aut me aut nihil

Chaos theory

2008-04-18T18:35:00.000-07:00

Chapter - I
"Oh no! You booked second a/c? I hate the a/c class in the train."
"What? I thought you liked train rides." said my younger brother.
"Yeah, I do.. but the people in the a/c class are just too pretentious. They don't let you be and chatter away to glory."
"People are like that everywhere. You have a problem."
" 'I did my engineering in IIT..', 'You know whats wrong with the American economy..', 'Here is my visiting card..', these kind of look-how-successful-im topics never comes up in the sleeper class. I don't have a problem, these people are so phony."
"You sound like a protagonist from a JD Salinger novel. But I think you are just intimidated shitless. Now willya hurry up... you only got ten more minutes."
I smiled at his remark knowing he was right and followed him into the station. As I was searching for the platform number he suddenly jerked me and said, "You believe in coincidence? You see that girl? She was standing next to me in the reservation queue when I was booking your ticket. She is gorgeous, isn't she?"
"Yeah, she is..."

Chapter - II
"... my daughter." said the father.
"Here's my visiting card. Wonder the other passenger is boarding or not?" he continued.
I almost rolled my eyes when I took his visiting card and gave it a customary glance. "You are a doctor.", I said wondering was I supposed to add an rhetorical adjective like 'how wonderful?'.
"Yes", replied the doctor before I'd time to add anything. "I practice in the US. We settled there after I finished my medicine in India. In fact this is my daughter's first trip to India."
That explains the branded jeans, t-shirt and the petite figure I thought. And why she looked generally annoyed by the surroundings. It was a genuine first-time-in-India-ABCD look.
A tall well-built man entered our compartment followed by another stocky guy carrying the luggages. The later placed the bags under the seat and stood to attention. "Sir, the train will reach the destination at 0545 tomorrow. I'll be here by 0530 sir.", he said. Then he gave a proper military style salute and left.
The intimidation factor of the compartment just went sky high. A successful doctor and a high-ranking military officer.

Chapter - III
".. you lucky bastard. She is traveling in the same compartment as you." interjected my brother while trying to get a better glimpse of her standing in the platform.
"If I were lucky she'll be traveling alone. I'm sure that old man with her is her father and he is traveling along." I said.
"Get her phone number ok?" remarked my overly optimistic brother ignoring me.
"Yeah right. Anything else?"
"You think this is a mere coincidence? The hand of fate has made you and her be in the same train on the same compartment on the same day. Don't blow this."
"If fate went to all that trouble for me then why should it matter what I do? If it was meant to be it'll be. The simpler explanation is that everything is a coincidence."
"Coincidence or fate this sort of thing never happens to me."
"You do realize that it can only be one of them." I said, wanting to change the topic.
"What are you talking about?" asked my brother taking the bait.
"Coincidence or fate. They are mutually exclusive. The world cannot both be chaos and ordered at the same time. You either have free will or not." I answered.

Chapter - IV
"Are you going to be father?" asked the doctor to the Major. "I see you are reading a book on toddler care."
Actually I did't know or care whether he was Major or a General or a Sergent. No sooner than the formalities of introductions were over I took my upper berth opposite the doctor's daughter and began eavesdropping on their conversation.
"Yes, my wife and I are expecting our first child any day now." said the Major.
"Congratulations!"
"Thank you doctor. I'm very excited."
"You know when I was a kid I wanted to join the military. I wanted to be an officer like you for the longest time. I don't know why I studied medicine." confessed the doctor.
The major let out a small laugh and said, "Really? Guess the grass is always greener on the other side."
"Really. I liked the discipline and the respect that goes with the military. Even after all these years when the other soldier gave you a salute I got goosebumps."
They both fell silent for a while, probably because of the doctor's candid revelations before the doctor spoke up again.
"So, do you know whether it is a boy or a girl?"
"No, we don't know. But I'm hoping it is a girl."
"Haan... of course!" said the doctor matter of fact.
"Its interesting isn't it. The father always wants a daughter and the mother insists that it would be a boy. Why do you think that is?" asked the major.
The doctor was silent for a while and then I heard some incoherent whispers. He was telling the major the answer to his question but he didn't want me or his daughter to hear it. I began to wonder what could possibly be so secretive about this.

Chapter - V
"Haven't you heard of chaos theory?" asked my brother. As any self respecting engineer would agree, I had succeeded in getting his mind off a girl with physics.
"Yeah, are you saying events of the world only appear to be random? A butterfly wing flap is the cause of a tornado."
"Yeah, thats what I'm saying. Destiny."
"I don't believe in destiny... I think everything is just a coincidence."
"You don't believe in destiny?"
"Nope. Its a crackpot idea."
"For a guy who likes train rides it is pretty strange that you don't believe in destiny."
"What? What do you mean by that?" It was my turn to be bemused.
"Oops! there goes the green light..."

Chapter - VI
"Couldn't sleep?" asked a voice from behind me.
I was standing outside my compartment in the corridor staring at the moon through the window. It was well past midnight and owing to my insomnia I was thinking about the riddle my brother made before boarding .
I turned around and saw the daughter strode to a stop near me.
"Yeah. I'm nocturnal." I said. "Looks like you are still adjusting to jet lag." I suggested noticing how fresh her eyes looked.
"Yes. I'm supposed to be fighting to urge to be awake... but I couldn't. Hope I'm not disturbing you."
"Absolutely not. I appreciate your company. I was just watching the moon. I love train rides because I can come out and watch the moon in the night. So how do you like India so far?" I asked.
She was silent for a while preparing her answer I presumed.
"I guess it is ok. This is my first time here and want to like it."
"But you haven't found out yet why people like it so much?" I asked.
"I want to like India, don't take me wrong.. but I don't have a good reason yet. My dad, for instance has nostalgia. He talks as if it is his destiny to come back to India."
I smilied at her comment and liked that she needed a reason to like. "Destiny! I don't believe in destiny."
"You like train rides and you don't believe in destiny. Odd combination, ain't it?" she said.
"What did you just say?"

Chapter - VII
"Hey bro, I got the answer. Ifound out what you meant by train ride and destiny." I said into the phone.
"You must have got off the train just now. Did you not sleep?" my brother said sleepily.
"I also got her phone number."
"You are kidding me! Really?" I could imagine him spring up from lying down.
"And it was her who told me the connection."
"She did? What did she say?"

Chapter - IX
"You are smiling rather lively. Whats the matter?" asked the doctor to his daughter.
We were all disembarking from the train at the destination and I was within earshot range to hear them talk.
"I think I'm beginning to like India." she answered.
"Wow! Thats great. Seems like this morning is a good start. You remember the soldier who was carrying the bags for the other person in our compartment."
"Yeah"
"Well, he woke me up instead of him and gave me a salute this morning. I almost felt like a military officer." he said, smiling heartily himself.
Right then the major walked past us and greeted the doctor. "Good morning doctor. Pleasure to have met you."
"Likewise." he said. He then crossed his fingers and added, "Daughter!"
The major smiled and replied, "Daughter!"

Chapter - X
"People like train journey because they are assured of the destination. The tracks of railway line is the key. People feel comfortable knowing that there is a system in place that'll guide them to the destination no matter what. It is same as the belief in destiny." I said paraphrasing the conversation I had with the daughter.
My brother was silent for a while, most probably wide-eyed amazed by the answer, and then continued, "The more disorderly the chaos the simpler the explanation."

Disclaimer: Although I traveled with a NRI father & daughter pair and a military officer in the a/c coach some years ago nothing else in the story is true. As much as I would like this to be an inspiration by Kamal's movie Dasaavatharam, it is not.
It took only four years for this story to make the distance from cerebrum to paper. But finally I got the confident to have five characters and break the word limit I set myself.. I'm happy with how it turned out. And I almost forgot the dedication... this one goes to all my Pune friends.

Fear & Hope

2007-06-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

Ali:knock knock neo!
Neo:how r u doing that? my comp is not even connected to the internet... how can u chat with me? and my name is not neo
Ali:yeah i know, i just wanted you to feel comfortable. u have a big decision to make today.
Neo:how big?
Ali:"save the world" kinda big
Neo:im dreaming this, arent i?
Ali:no, listen to me
Neo:i know i was narcissistic, but this has gone far enough.. i need to wake up now
Ali:ok, let me start at the beginning
Neo:yeah right.. like that is going to do me any good
Ali:im not human. im an other species from a different galaxy on a mission to earth
Neo:stop flattering urself.. and im no jack bauer
Ali:ok, just let ur cynicism hang for a bit and listen to me.. i cant stress enough on how important this is
Neo:alright, u got my attention.. for now. what say u?
Ali:i say, you have to answer me one question and on that answer rests the fate of the world
Neo:wow! talk about pressure! go on, shoot
Ali:is what you want to be in life, so different from your ancestors?
Neo:WTF! i dont even understand ur question
Ali:what i mean is, do u think humans are you ready to take the next step in evolution?
Neo:why do u want to know? and how is it going to save the world?
Ali:i want to know bcos that is my mission. i have to ask u this question and based on ur answer i take my action
Neo:tell me all ur possible actions
Ali:if u say u do believe in humanity then i help u.. if not, i terminate myself and let u be.
Neo:why me? why now?
Ali:u were the chosen one bcos of ur personality and understanding of the human mind. you qualification as a doctor and a researcher were the main factors
Neo:oh i see. u didnt answer, why now?
Ali:it is the right time now bcos we predicted that humans will not be able to handle the technical adolescent. u'll destroy each other before u get past that stage.
Neo:hmmm.. and u r asking me bcos one voice of support is enough for humanity?
Ali:and u believe in free will
Neo:yeah.. sure.. an advanced alien creature predicted the future on earth and came to ask me whether i believe i'll save humanity or not.. IN A DREAM I'VE CREATED IN MY HEAD.. yeah! i believe in free will!
Ali:btw - last time we were here, we gave the apes "curiosity".. and practically set evolution on human in motion.. u better believe that too
Neo:wow! so what r u going to do this time, if i answer yes?
Ali:what do u think?
Neo:how the heck should i know? u r the advanced species.. who apparently survived the adolescence.. tell me what u do?
Ali:i know what i have to do.. i have my orders.. first, i would like to hear what u think
Neo:so many things have to change at so many levels.. the answer might be simple but it is definitely not easy
Ali:ok, fair enough.. just give me a yes or no..
Neo:i keep thinking what if u r wrong?
Ali:wrong abt our predictions of the world?
Neo:no, not that.. im sure we'll kill each other. what if, what u think might fix this world doesnt actually fix the world? and who put u incharge?
Ali:lol.. excellent question! i guess if u trust me then u place all hope on me.
Neo:and i dont even know u.. how can i trust u and hope thing will work out?
Ali:but thats the interesting thing abt hope. u have to lose hope to lose all inhibitions.
Neo:what do u mean?
Ali:fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear. if u trust me completely u'll become fearless.
Neo:ok, im with u so far.. but there is one more thing nagging me from that start
Ali:what is it?
Neo:i think this is just a dream. im hallucinating or something. and if im then what i do isnt real and dont have any meaning. r u in my head? am i imagining u to boast my ego?
Ali:what if there is a way to find out whether this is a dream or not? will u do it?
Neo:yeah sure.. i already pinched myself... tried opening my eyes.. but it seems im stuck here with u in this chat window. tell me how to confirm.
Ali:its really simple. can u do multiply big numbers in ur head?
Neo:no i cant.. whats ur point?
Ali:well u r on a computer.. open the calculator and punch in some big numbers!
Neo:of course...

No-Kids-Cry Phenomenon!
LA Times June 9
More than 100 cases are now reported to CDC and officials about what's now dubbed as the No-Kids-Cry phenomenon. This unusual behavior among newborns was first reported yesterday in Los Angeles maternity wards. First it was believed to be an epidemic contained in the hospital, but apparently several cases has now been reported from New York and as far as Europe and Asia.
Kids affected by this syndrome albeit appear perfectly healthy are unable to cry at all. It is a rather large implication since the only way a baby communicates anything is by crying. At first scientists believed it to be a vocal cord paralysis of some sort brought on by a parasite or infection. On further diagnosis they were not able to find anything and now the only explanation left is a neurological problem with all the new-born.
Dr. Foreman, a neurologist from NY, commented, "the brain images on these kids suggest that the fear center of their brain is unresponsive. we are yet to determine what caused this, and it is too early to confirm."
Whether this is a freak of nature or the hand of God and whether this can be contained remains to be seen...

Clean Slate

2007-05-31T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last weekend something amazing happened. No, not that you perverts. I did not get laid.. I'm still playing solitaire.. on my laptop(wonderful euphemism no?). I'm talking about this blog's page-hits on a day. It went down all the way to zero. Not even Google sent some searches on kamasutra this way. Guess its as close to a clean slate as a blog can get. So born again!

I care about you readers out there. I really do! So I'm going to give you made up reasons for the absence: I either had a writer's block or in bad need of a muse. Beaches, clubs and some lap-dances later.. found out it wasn't the muse. It was the regular good old block. The only way to get over this is to write about a favorite topic... what other choice do thou have than to rant about Women!

I know the argument is very Sigmund Freud, but if only boys mature faster than girls, we might have better chance and this ridicule will actually sound fair. It is an already established fact that why we don’t get any.. is not our fault. Combine this with the serious lack of requirements specification from the client side we men are on an uphill struggle to impress women from birth. Let me take you....

My mom always used to say "work hard, study well, get good rank and success will follow automatically". Didn't success also meant girls. So all I had to do was get first rank and the ladies will stalk me. In high school I could do a mean derivation of E=mc² in under 3 minutes, list the properties of benzene under chloroform, draw the female reproductive system with eyes shut.. but alas no girl followed me back home for "show & tell". Maybe because I went to an all-boys school run by celibate Christian missionary brothers. Only now I understand that the advice and choice of school was my mom's way of keeping me single until she can run a matrimonial ad. Women load the dice every step of the way.

"Chicks dig guys who is into art", said one of my friend not too after it dawned that my parents advice is ill-suited and I turned to him for advice. I took him seriously enough to improved my drawing & sketching skills. Only that, by "art" he meant something else. One weekend on Pubertyville a group of friends rented the special "art" video and watched it on mute... you would have mistaken the room for a wax exhibit. After that gentle baptism that every man goes through no guy can ever look at a woman without thinking about sex. On the other hand, the girls have their own sex education teacher(their moms), monthly reminders and paranoid-stricken over-protective brothers and dads who knows what goes on in boys minds. Thats cheating and totally unfair.

Its a no-brainer that most women like poetry. So I began a regime of reading books, a lot of books so I can think and rhyme like a poet. I blame the Y-chromosome because I can quote Hannibal Lecter better than Jane Austen. Albeit, I gained this holy wisdom. No man could ever grasp poetry and men only used it as a ploy to get into womens pant. Let me tell you women a secret.. a typical man does not count his worth on the number of tears shed or the number of people attended his funeral, but on how many women thought "he was so good in bed" in his funeral. You can hear Keats, Byron and Shakespeare turning in their grave right now. Thank you guys for trying to tell us that the playing field ain't level.

What women want and what kind of conversation interests them I asked my male friends. In Tamilnadu, where is come from, this art is called the art of "kadalai", definition is not unlike the Seinfeld episode on "Nothing"... the ability to talk or be with a woman for looong period of time without actually talking about anything in general or anything in particular or anything at all. I got nothing. A friend puts it this way, "a mildly sexual yet only flirting, intelligent topic, but still personal, yet non-invasive". I still can't think of anything. I know.. celibacy as a life-style is an option I'm considering. Don't be smart ass and say all men got to do is listen. We need a standard issue women-talk-decoder-ring to understand a comma or a pause.

Now I understand though my friends albeit were trying to help were just as naive as I was and were only good at pretending that they knew it all.

After reaching for advice and questioning self about the answers to life I turned to the next best thing. Femina and Cosmopolitan. Maybe womens magazine have an idea of what women want. Page after page I see/read they like 6 pack abs and muscles like Hrithik. So off to the gym I go. Did I tell you I belong to the species called software engineers. We are the newest hit species in the evolution of man. We are well-designed to stare at screens, use our brain, sit on our ass and move only our fingers. Homositonass Fingerus is our biological name. We can try but a 6-pack ab is as futile as trying to escape Darwinism. Women just skip a few meals and they are in shape.

Yours truly like most guys my age with tamil parents from the 1980's is a product of love marriage. And I'm also a first-born. Damn those love-theme movies of 80's: from Alaigal Oyevadhillai till date the movies kept raising the bar higher & higher. Sergei Bubka would have given up. Most will consider it a disgrace to the family blood and tamil community, so rich in love, to even think of arranged marriage. Imagine the pressure on us from the moment of conception till we go through puberty with like-minded-immature-friends and knowing the playing field is not level and we don't stand a chance and accepting the stereotype of "boringly good boy in glasses, educated nerd from the land of opportunity" and walking up to you trying to start a conversation... no wonder we choke.

PNQ-DEL-CDG-LAX

2007-01-12T04:59:00.000-08:00

The long distance international flights are always grueling. 8 hours from Delhi to Paris and then the connection to Los Angeles which took another 12 hours. Ask any other professional other than a Software engineer and he'll buckle.. but for us young-energetic-IT-powered-engineers sitting in that tiny "Economy" seats sandwiched between strangers, snorers and wailing kids... is exactly like sitting in our small cubicles listening to colleagues and managers. We just open our little laptops, pop the headphones in and get transported to another dimension even though we are wedged like a stone on a truck tire. Hours of sitting idle,leaving a warm ass-print on the chair, swinging with girls on chat rooms and watching p0rn on our wi-fi laptop is the one thing that comes naturally to us and it has to pays off somewhere.

Lets start at the beginning. Pune to Delhi. I saw the most beautiful airhostess on that flight. Trust me, she might well become the next Aishwarya Rai. Hail Air Sahara! I swore on my laptop to never fly AirDeccan or the other cheap airlines when she smiled and said 'Some candies, Sir?'. BTW - we software engineers swear on our laptops like some people swear on their virginity. They are both the same to us. Full of unused features, clean and well protected inside a leather chastity.

Friends and bloggers alike, always talk about the interesting people they meet on long flights. Something like that never happens to me even though I've an eye, an ear, a mouth and other vital anatomical orifices open for meeting interesting people. I think its another curse on me that I've carried from my previous life. Besides the "never-get-a-window-seat" and "no-girl-will-ever-sit-next-to-me" curses. Even if the plane was loaded with models and supermodels, Im quite sure they will part way -like Red Sea did for Moses- just to let me pass through to a seat between Big Mamma and Yukosona.

The next leg from Paris to LA was as uneventful as the previous one, only longer. I couldn't see the Eiffel tower because I naturally didn't get a window seat but managed to glimpse the "HOLLYWOOD" sign when the plane landed at LAX. Career options, me thinks. Oh come on, I can at least write scripts for them XXX movies!

I was dizzy through many meetings on the first day at work because of the jet lag and I'm up all dawn today. So decided to write this. Oh, did I tell you about my new year resolution? Write more short stories, post more pictures and stop complaining about the lack of women in life. I think I hit the spot with this post!

creativity ⊂ plagiarism

2006-11-07T04:25:00.000-08:00

My phone has been ringing off the hook, comment box is flooding, and scrapbook is exploding, after the last post. Ladies, ladies... one at a time please. So in the interest of network congestions and blogger.com sanity I pledge not to indulge in these kinds of experiments in the future. Ok sisters?
Lets get back on track... blowing away common misconceptions about creativity using expletively inappropriate analogies. (this way yields more google hits than ever)
Today's mis-concept: Creativity is being original all the time.
Yes, it is not. Repeat after me.. Creativity is being wrong most of the times. And a lot of copying as well. Well, when you eventually get caught it is labeled as plagiarism, but until then at least it is considered original.
Lets face it, it is been proven already that there is no originality in the whole world. That is to say, whatever you are thinking right now at this moment has already been thought off by some other person in the past. Only when your work copies so many different sources at the same time that the one keeping count gets confused and lost, it passes the test for plagiarism.
For example, since dogs are one of the first animals to be domesticated by humans, "doggie position" is the only original position in the kamasutra. Rests are skewed/tilted/capsized versions of the same. (Of all the crazy animal-get-intelligence-takes-over-world theories I fear the dogs-taking-over-the-world most. Imagine the copyright infringement lawsuits and the settlements.)
Come on, 64 different positions for one act? We should know better. Least of all when it comes from a sage who lived in a forest in ancient India. He propably lived alone and suffered serious dysfunction for all I know. The dogs are going to have a field day when they can eventually think.

creativity <> f(human)

2006-11-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

Creativity is what distinguishes human from animal, somebody once told me. I say blah! It is a very common misconception.
Creativity is not what distinguishes human from animal.
It is the fact that we have "sex for pleasure" that distinguishes humans from animals. (All thee Animal Planet nerds who are going "Dolphins do that too"... all I can say is, do they wear protection? Bite me!) So distinguish yourself from the animals...creativity follows!
Yes, have sex and creativity follows. You might think I'm way off track here, but have you ever wondered why the best ideas are born either in the bathroom or the bedroom? Have you? Well I have, and no points for guessing what is used common in both the rooms (deviants aside).
For example, why do you think I'm so bad at being creative?

On a completely different subject, I read this somewhere...
"The strength of a blogger, at any given time, is measured by the number of women who want to sleep with him. The magic is in the 'want' -- not the act."
So go crazy in the comment box ladies. Limited time offer. Who knows, you might increase your creativity in the process!

Inspiration unfound

2006-10-04T04:59:00.000-07:00

If you are expecting a reason for my absence.. there are already too many words in english for laziness and me dont want to invent new ways of putting it. So its not like me don't have stories to tell, or pictures to post.. its just that quarter-life-crisis getting in the way.

I'll be back.. I promise.

Good writer Vs Bad writer

2006-07-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

Linked list

2006-07-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

"can you write a method to reverse a linked list?"
"sure!!" at last! something i can answer with confidence..*sigh*
"ok, lets make it even simpler.. reverse a doubly linked list"
"hmmm!" hello! what does he take me for? 7th grader?
"you are thinking too long for this..."
"yeah, i know. how do you like an out-of-the-box answer as opposed to the ordinary 7th-grader-solution?"
"sure..surprise me!"
"ok, here goes...

class DoublyLinkedList
{
protected:
Node pointers[2]; // in lieu of next & previous pointers
bool direction = false;

// all the other standard doubly linked list stuff

public:
void ReverseList()
{
// make the last node as the starting node
direction = !direction;
}

Node *next()
{
return pointers[direction];
}

Node *previous()
{
return pointers[!direction];
}
};

....there! an constant order algo for reversing a doubly linked list."
"hahaha... really good solution."

P.S: Me sorry, me not explaining for the people who do not understand programming. And yeah, me do realise that me creativity has been reduced to writing silly programming tricks in me blog :( Me'll be back with some good posts and some good news.

I always wanted to quit on a monday morning!

2006-06-22T07:04:00.000-07:00

"...so are you all set for the telephonic interview?"
"yes, fire away!" who am i kidding?
"lets say you are an umpire in a cricket match.."
"ok.." this ought to be interesting!
"you have a baised coin, with the chances of Head coming up is two third and Tail's probability is 1/3..."
"ok.." OH NO! not probability, please...
"how do you decide the toss fairly?"
"interesting! give me a second..." well im screwed, there is no way i can answer that question.. how does the interviewer know i'm bad in propability? damn these psychics! good bye, interview..tata
"hello? are you there? ....do you have an answer?"
"yeah...i mean no, just a sec." come on think, tHInk, thiNk, ThInK....
"hello?"
"yes, so Head=2/3 and Tail=1/3 isn't it?" IDEA!
"yes"
"sir, we take an other coin with Tail=2/3 and Head=1/3, stick these coins together..not one over the other, but along side each other... like two zeros 'OO' close to each other, with both the Heads pointing in one directions and Tails in the other! Now we have equal probability for both the events! Now toss!"
"err...what?...this is not good...you have only one coin."
"oh i see!" no i dont see! whats wrong with this solution? cha.. nobody appreciates a creative answer these days!
"so? do you have an answer?"
"sorry, i dont know." my probability of getting this job just hit zero!

P.S: No, me don't own a Tata Safari Dicor. You can take the title literally!

Disappearing act

2006-05-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, there are only two reasons in the world, why a software professional like meself, would read a book titled "Thinking in C++", "Professional C#.NET" ...
1) A beautiful *single* girl has joined the team and she needs some help on the aforementioned topics.
2) Or, one is planning a *shift*.

You can safely assume my streak of luck with the ladies might change an iota a microsecond before doomsday. Please derive the rest and let me do a disappearing act now. Let the records show that me disappreared somewhere in Pune.

Tonty phorth tag

2006-04-19T01:57:00.000-07:00

24. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?

"At last! Do you have any idea how many female martyrs are waiting for you? ... Ok, Ok, you can choose."

Warning!

2006-03-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

Back to innocence

2006-03-22T00:13:00.000-08:00

I just realised, this is the first post this year without l-o-v-e. Ok, from here on, no more l-o-v-e! Me hormones are back to normal... one can only hope. But S m i t h a will still continue to be the randy-boy-next-door, because me dont want a personality split in real life. Like a Remo for a Ambi. But me like to be a Tyler Durden if at all it happens.

The Crush - vol. 3

2006-03-07T09:41:00.000-08:00

Final Chapter
"You said you'll catch me next year but never returned!" said Swati spotting a sheepishly grinning Sathya, who looked very amused about something.
He recollected himself to answer, "Yes, that would my dad's doing. I really would have liked to meet you the next term. Believe me! That would have been eventful, to say the least."
"Eventful? You mean, you didn't have enough competition in your new school?"
"Yeah, something like that. It was never most fun without you and me battling it out."
"Hmmmm, I felt the same... So tell me what have you been upto, after you left town?"
"With no one to challenge me at the top, I completed higher secondary and got into a good college. Wherein, I studied engineering apart from doing other assorted activites! And im soon going to rediscovery myself in a software company. Your turn now."
"Does 'assorted activites' involve any girl?"
"Girl? You mean 'girls', don't you?"
"haha... don't flatter yourself. Although, Congrats on the job!"
"Thanks. So tell me, what useful role did you play in the past 6 years?"
"I did the same as you, actually. School, College, Fun, Friends. Exactly the same."
"What about personal life? Doesn't your boyfriend like to accompany you to the temple?"
"sheesh.. shutup willya?"
"A girl as good as you...surely has a boyfriend. It is the First Law of Thermodynamics...they taught me well in engineering!"
"Stop teasing already. And FYI, I don't have one. You studied engineering from out-of-date books, I assume."
Sathya smiled to himself in light of this new evidence(She-is-Single) as he made a mental note that he should stop teasing her now.
A comfortable silence streched itself out between them.
Swati said, "Come lets talk walking."
"You mean, inside the temple itself? Like, go around the temple a couple of times?"
"Yeah!" said Swati and they started walking.
Sathya continued, "You know, its luck that I blocked your way near the door."
"Otherwise we won't have met?"
"Yeah, exactly." said Sathya. Suddenly he remembered the first time he met her in school and said, "Do you remember your first day at school here?"
"Vaguely."
"Ok, I will tell you. You couldn't take your eyes off my 1st Rank badge. I thought I made a big impression on you, get strange stares from you and all, but only later I realised that your affection stopped at the badge." said Sathya, and conveniently forgot that he could not take the eyes off her that day.
"C'mon you are exaggerating! I did not stare at you or your badge."
"Really ya, believe me... I've a memory for these kind of things. I remember this one to the tiny details."
"Ok, if you insist."
"Yes, I insist."
Again there was a silence before anyone spoke. Sathya's pride wanted Swati to accept that he remembered tihngs right.
So he continued, "You surely remember the last revision test before the finals. We were neck-to-neck until the last paper was distributed?"
Swati looked at him quizzically.
Sathya continued, "It was english, I guess. I got a 93 and beat you by one mark? Don't you remember it?"
Swati still looked empty.
Sathya said, "I think I got a total of 460 and yours was 459?"
There was a beat before Swati slowly spoke up, "It was english alright. But you got 470 and not 460."
Sathya stopped on his tracks, suddenly remembering the lie and the foul up.
Swati continued, "And you did not get a 93... you got a 90."
Sathya turned and saw her in the eye. He asked, "*You* lied that day? Why did you do it?"
But before Swati could answer, he saw the answer in her eyes.
His ego got crushed, but he gained the crush.

The Crush - vol. 2

2006-03-03T03:47:00.000-08:00

Chapter VI
Time has a proven way of teaching man meekness: aging. As it passed, Swati became that-school-crush that Sathya had in childhood days. Mistake not, he never forgot her, he just learned to live without her.
Years passed and she stopped coming in his dreams too.
Sathya was in touch with Madhu and occasionally queried him about Swati but never learned anything more than the usual "She is fine".
In college, he was as cheerful as anyone and even had a few crushes. But none came as purposeful as he saw his need for Swati. So he passed out of college, a virgin, frankly speaking. He repeated his brilliance at school in college too and landed himself job offers while graduating.
He was enjoying a month's vacation before joining his (excuse the cliche) high-paying-software-job-in-yet-another-Indian-MNC, when his mom asked him to go back and visit his school friends. Sathya liked the idea. He could stay at Madhu's and possibly sight Swati as she lived near Madhu's home only. But he knew he had lost his chance with her, long ago. Adaptation: he was excited all the same.

Chapter VII
"Look at you, you have grown into a man!" exclaimed Madhu.
Sathya laughed and said, "What did you expect? That I would grow into an ape?"
"Good to have you dude. Im thrilled. We have so much to catch up on."
And catch up they did. They talked all day except when they were pushing food down the throat. Sathya brought Swati into the conversation and Madhu ellobrated, "You should see her now. Apparently she attracts half a dozen proposals every week in her college. From men and women alike."
"What? Is it? And does she have a boyfriend." Sathya was suddenly very interested.
"Nope, she rejects them by the dozen."
Sathya gulped and thought of the devastation he might have had if he proposed and she rejected. Disaster averted he thought and thanked God silently.
"She still lives in this neighbourhood right?" queried Sathya.
"Yep, if you want to catch her go to the Narasimhar temple around 5 in the evening."
The topic diverted into other things but Sathya mind was ringing "Evening-Temple-Swati, Evening-Temple-Swati, Evening-Temple-Swati..."
At the dot of 5 Sathya excused himself and headed towards the temple alone.

Chapter VIII
Sathya was not expecting Swati at the temple. He was convincing himself that he was there to say hello to God. Unconsciously though, he just wanted a glimpse of Swati and then he would go on lead his life happily.
He prayed his usual prayers and added an extra demand, "Narasimha, its not like you don't know what I desire. Just one last glimpse. Thats all I ask. Willya? Please. I'll wait a 5 minutes for her. Thank you very much."
And he waited for a good part of a hour, eyeing every girl, before giving up on Narasimha. He strolled back to the temple door cursing Madhu for making him do a futile trip to the temple. At the door he turned around for one last look.

Chapter IX
"Excuse me! You are blocking the door." came a voice from behind Sathya.
Sathya turned around and saw Swati. Slow motion shot, take 3.
She was even more beautiful -if that is possible- now.
"Sathya!"
"Swati!" both of them said at the same time.
No words were exchanged for a while.
So naturally Sathya lied, "Out of all the people on planet earth, I would have never expected to meet you here."
"Now that is a lie, if I ever hear one."
Sathya managed a nervous smile.
Swati rallied back, "So you are still scared of me!"
"I was never scared of you. What gave you that idea?" said Sathya but wished that she stoped reading his mind.
"Remember our battles for the 1st rank? Are you up for another round? I bet I can beat you hands tied down!"
"I didn't come all the way from my city to start another battle. ok?"
"Hey, you were just leaving right? Why dont you wait here while I go inside and come back. I got loads to share with you."
"Yeah why not. I'll wait here."
And so he waited, thanking Narasimha and taking back the curses he sent towards Madhu.

...to be concluded

Author's confession: Thanks to Vani for the names and pushing me into rewriting this story. The 35 pages original that me wrote in the middle of 2002 was forever lost in a parking lot.

The Crush - vol. 1

2006-03-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

Chapter I
Sathya, 9th standard, B section, was the first rank holder. He was not mere intelligent but quite an established stud of the school. His trouble started when Swati's family moved into town. If you had guessed "love at first sight", help yourself some brownie points.
"Hello class! Please welcome our new girl at school." announced the teacher without context. An unsuspecting Sathya turned his head towards the mentioned target and then everything went in slow motion. His visions tunneled at the prettiest face he would ever see. His heart skipped a reasonable amount of beats. She walked very slowly -or at least she seemed to, for him- towards the blackboard and started speaking.
Obviously, Sathya could not hear any of what she was saying. He was still in a trance when his friend Madhu, sitting next to him gave him a nudge and said, "Stop staring at her, HotBlood."
Sathya returned to earth and caught her say, in the most innocent voice he would ever hear, that she was Swati. When she was walking back to her chair, Sathya caught her stare at the "1st Rank" badge he was wearing. He was never more proud than that moment.

Chapter II
"Excuse me! You are blocking the door." came a voice from behind Sathya.
Sathya turned around and saw Swati. Slow motion shot, take 2.
She was even more beautiful -if that is possible- up close. He was still staring at her lips when she reminded him that he was still blocking her way. He caught on this time and moved away. As she crossed him, she shot one sharp look at the "1st Rank" badge he was wearing. The look was almost amorous.
Sathya thought he will do anything to retain that badge. No problem, he told himself, for he had never got anything other than Rank 1.

In the next monthly test Swati came first. Sathya came in 2nd.
The "1st Rank" badge changed hands. Only now he understood the meaning behind that lecherous looks Swati gave that badge.

Chapter III
All that year, the school saw the most battled our "War of the 1st rank", for years to come. The badge saw an owner in either of Swati or Sathya, every monthly test. In the process, both had come to respect each other and became good friends.
His infatuation had now grown into a full-blown affection. Sathya still hid his feelings and did not talk about it even with his best friends. He always thought that a moment would present itself to tell her, but in truth he was afraid of rejection.
The battle of the ranks served well to distract his mind and keep it on books instead. Maybe if he proved good enough to get 1st rank all round the year, she might start liking him. Childish thoughts, but what can one expect.
Suddenly, Sathya saw it very clearly. All he had to do is get straight 1st ranks and everything will fall in place. He was a man on a mission, blinded by love, possessed by pride, and he took to books.
He didn't relinquish the badge after that.

Chapter IV
10th grade: 1st rank was to stay with Sathya. Swati came ever so close but Sathya proved a very tough opponent. After all, he was doing it for her.
She had almost given up hope of getting her hands on the badge when the in the last revision test before the final board exams...
"What happened? Which of your ships sunk?" asked Madhu.
"It is worse than that. Me and Swati's total were leveled at 377, with only the English marks left to be out. Well, the English papers were just distributed, I got 91 and she got 92. She beat me by one mark to the 1st rank!"
"Hey, it is not the end of the world alright. You have lost it just this once.. you were One all this year. Cheer up man."
"You don't understand..." said Sathya but could not bring himself to explain it to Madhu.
"Listen, put on a non-sad face for right now, because Swati is coming towards us."

"Hey guys, I need your English marks for the registers."
Madhu said, "I got 85."
"How much did you get Sathya?"
"hmmm..what?..yeah..i got.." fumbled Sathya.
"You got 93 right? I glimpsed it when you took it from the teacher."
"Err.." was what Sathya could manage.
Madhu was quick to grasp the situation. Obviously, She was mistaken his marks.
"Yeah, he got a 93, I just saw his paper. How much did you get Swati?", said Madhu, and placed a hand on Sathya's lap, conveying that he was going to handle the situation.
"I got 92.... shoot, which means Sathya beats me by one mark: 470 to 469. Congrats Sathya!"
"huh? yeah..Thanks."
After Swati left Madhu said, "They you go man, I got you your beloved number one spot."
"But we lied." judged Sathya.
"Blame the lie on me if she finds out, just give me a treat ok?"
But no one ever found out.

Chapter V
As expected Sathya topped the school in the board exams and Swati stood second. On the day the class assembled to get their official mark sheets, Sathya was going to tell Swati that he loved her. She will accept, he thought. She has to, he reasoned.
"Congrats Sathya! You topped as expected.", said Swati walking up to him after the ceremony.
"Congrats you too..But I should be thanking you only for this. I won't have done it without you."
"Me? Why? You did it on your own."
"You gave a tough fight. You literally pushed me into one."
"ha-ha.. interesting way of looking at it, but if it wasn't me pushing you then it would have been someone else? Won't it? Someone has to come in second right?"
"No, you don't understand..." he said. All reason told him that this was the moment he should profess his feelings for her, but he simply could not. Words dissolved and sentences disintegrated inside his mind.
"Well, if you don't have anything to say, I should be leaving now." continued Swati.
"Ok, I'll catch you later. I mean, next year, in class.", said Sathya. He told himself that he would perfect the way he was going to propose in the holidays and tell her on the first day of next term.
That was the last Sathya saw of Swati because his father got a transfer and they had to move to a different city for his higher secondary.

...to be continued

HVD

2006-02-12T23:34:00.000-08:00

Tax season is here, so during a coffee break we were talking about how it would be better for the politicians if instead of paying tax and then it taking a long route to finally end up in their pockets, we should take the intiative and go to the nearest MLA or MP's home and drop the money directly into their trousers.
"Bad roads!", someone said.
"Power cuts!", added another.
"Stupid drainage systems!", came in next.
".....", it was my turn to say something. I racked my brains, to show my collegues that me also is a responsible citizen, who can blame the government. Seconds passed into what seemed like minutes before i blurred out...
"lack of sex!"
I crumpled under the pressure, thank you very much! My collegues laughed as if it was a good joke but mostly because they are good friends who didnt want to embarass me.

Damn this Feb 14 thingy. I succumb to it everytime.

In true VD spirit, me broke me spectacles y'day. Now all the pretty ladies at a distance are reduced to just a blur :( Need a VD miracle to get me smiling tomorrow.

Happy Valentines day folks!

Perfect?

2006-01-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

I got tagged again. The timing couldn't have been better because i feel like i'm all dried up :( Seriously, me need some inspiration... or maybe some gorgeous girl could just walk by me.
Ok, about the tag, im supposed to come up with 8 different points for my perfect lover. I won't even begin to understand what that would be like or how i would go about doing that. Because ladies & gentleman, you are reading a cursed man's blog.
I believe I was cursed by some evil witchy lady in my previous incarnation or something, that in my next life I can only get within only 20 feet from the love of my life. How else can you explain Aishwarya Rai or Trisha or Riya Sen for that matter?
The wicked lady must have somehow included my neighbourhood, my school, my college and my workplace also in the curse, because only then my life so far would make some seeming sense. And don't even get me started on the blogging world. I tried flirting on the comment board once, i had to find a crowbar to pry my foot out of my mouth.

So pardon me if i seem weird...
1) 36
2) 28
3) 36
4) a libido that equals mine (that is to say, no holiday on saturdays.. first, third, fourth, second!)
5) 19 kids (no less :P)
6) should be able to come with an algorithm to solve Sudoku (huh?)
7) i can't lift more than 40kg with my right hand, so i guess a few KS positions are out of syllabus for me :( ok?
8) hmmm.... should say "yes" when i propose!

Me not going to tag anyone. I barely command respect from my blogger friends.

Pardon my absence, for i was busy writing a program to solve Sudoku. Not that anyone asked me.
And im off to Trichy for a marriage next week and the project's code freeze is due next month. So expect very little of me.

Love Bug

2006-01-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

"hey lover boy, what's up?"
"listen, i had this weirdest dream!.. i died and i went to heaven"
"heaven? you sure? bcos people who wake someone up in the middle of the night to talk about their dreams.. usually end up in hell."
"im sure it wasn't hell. now, cut out the sarcasm and listen to me."
"ok, im sorry, go on.. did you meet God?"
"you bet i did. and i even got to ask him some questions."
"interesting.. so, what did you ask Him?"
"i asked Him a lot of questions and got all the usual, expected answers."
"like?"
"well, i asked him what was His purpose to create everything.. life, world, sun, universe, humans? and He said that He was experimenting and wanted to create an ultimate species -us humans- that would be His epitome of creativity."
"what about the rest? sun, universe and stuff?"
"..the rest were put in just for fun, i was told."
"ok, wow, so He was experimenting huh?"
"yeah, totally... and you know what? He also said that the entire world is being run by a huge computer. a giant server hosting everyone. and millions and millions of programs running.."
"that sounds very close to the version of that movie Matrix. your dream has been already made into a movie.."
"wait, there is more. i haven't told you that final question, for which i got a completely unpercedented answer."
"what is it?"
"i asked Him what was He thinking when He created love?..."
"and?"
"He said He didn't create it. He said it is a known bug!"
"a B-U-G?"
"yeah a bug in the software that is running the big server thingy. He was going to fix it up with a patch, but since everyone seemed to love "love" so much, He decided to leave it there!"
"haha... love "love"... kind of a recurssion in the code eh?"
"so that was it. i woke up after that and called you immediately."

"...love is a bug?? you sure?"
"YOU ARE QUESTIONING ME? YOU DO REALISE THAT I AM GOD."
"yeah, im sorry, my bad. now that you mention that it is a bug, it makes a lot of sense. even explains a lot of things..."
"GO FIGURE. AND SINCE EVERYONE LOVED "LOVE" SO MUCH, I DECIDED TO LEAVE IT AS IT IS."
"wow! Thank God for that. i mean.. thank you, God."
"BUT THERE IS A PATCH ONE COULD APPLY TO FIX THAT BUG. IT IS REALLY SIMPLE ACTUALLY. ONE SHOULD.......

".......and called you immediately."
"is there anything else interesting i should know?"
"no, but there is something i like to forget about this dream, because i found you!"

Lessons learnt this year - vol. 2

2005-12-29T02:28:00.000-08:00

1. When one does not have enough balance to call everyone in Tamilnadu, one shall make one call to one's sister and just tell her that one has got a girlfriend. Rest assured, the whole TN will call one within the next 20 minutes.
2. When some Irani girls move-in to the apartment opposite to one's home, one shall buy binoculars prompto. (for one's pervert roommates, that is)
3. The weighing machines at Pune railway station adds 5Kg. One shall not panic!
4. Emma Watson(Hermione) is a teenager and it is ok for one to have a bruning desire when she walks down the stairs.
5. Thou shalt not watch Momento thy backwards.
6. Physiotherapy is a painful process. Even more painful, if one has to fake one's tolerance level and act more manly because one's physiotherapist happen to be a charming lady.
7. One has to like Marvin's words, "I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed." when one was as depressed as me was, after reading it.
8. Does one know why mosquitoes come near one's ears and make that annoying buzzing sound while one is asleep? Actually, because they are near one's ears that one is able to hear the mosquitoes buzzing. They make that buzzing sound all the time.
9. When Micha Barton is delivering the chinese food one ordered, in skimpy clothes, one should realise that one is dreaming.

Lessons learnt this year - vol. 1

2005-12-28T03:55:00.000-08:00

1. If one gets attracted to a girl, then one should ignore her. Until she notices that one is ignoring her.
2. Or until one gets her wedding invitation :(
3. A turtle neck t-shirt would make a good useful gift for a newly wed couple. Why? To avoid embarrassing question about seems-like-lesions on the neck ;)
4. Soduko might be the most hyped game you have never heard of. Close to Solitare & Minesweeper.
5. Long hair does not go with a bald boss at work.
6. One is only as good as one's last blog post.
7. Watching a movie at 2PM in the night when one has an early meeting in the morning, just because the movie has Elisha Cuthbert in it, is very justified.
8. One won't be far from home when one realises that the world is flat.
9. When one fails to woo any girl, and had woken to the unescapable truth that one's will be a nice little arranged love story, one bribes one's mom by buying her sarees.
10. Centre fresh and Center shock are different bubble gums.

I already made the choice.. i am here to understand it

2005-12-15T03:14:00.000-08:00

Before i forget - This is still not S m i t h a posting.

Ganguly's been dropped, i read in today's Times. I can imagine a very old Ganguly in a basement holding a yellowish crumpled copy of today's paper and another paper reading that his grandson Nagrav Ganguly has been selected for the Indian cricket team.
Times has always been a source of misery for me. One fine morning, i opened the papers with a hot cup of coffee in my hands and it read "An average Indian loses his/her virginity at the age of 20"... i almost spilled the coffee all over myself.. can it get any depressing than that? But the comic strips and the cleavages keeps me paying the paper bill.

About the whereabouts of my alter ego, i found S m i t h a before the police did (and its a good thing actually), and here goes what happened next...
Me: hey, you know i was getting worried? where were you all this time?
AlterEgo: you know where i was.. dont pretend.. why did you reject the last two stories i came up with?
Me: ok let me explain.. those stories were either too sad or hopelessly depressing.
AE: what about that science fiction?
Me: you know the rules, "No tragedies allowed in pichuva". and you destroyed earth in that story!
Ae: you should know better, the author's mood gets reflected in what gets written
Me: hmmm.. ok, what to hear a non-veg-joke to get your spirits up?
Ae: get out of here, you dumb arse! i dont care about readers..
..and i had to run away from there for dear life. So until something really cheerful happens (for e.g., "i got aid for MS", "boss got laid off", "i got laid") im afraid i can't do anything.

Random thought#1
Until last year, one could tell, "and pigs could fly", "and donkeys could sing", "and a tsunami stuck chennai", "and it rained in trichy" in the same breath. Now all that had gone for a toss. You might argue that nobody ever says "and it rained in trichy".. i agree.. but i like to keep my options open, if you know what i mean.

Random thought#2
Pune's contribution to the world: Wada Pav and load of beautiful college girls!
Pune's contribution to Maths: Definition of infinity - Number of potholes on any stretch >20 meter of road.

Wow! Me just realised that a New year is coming! Two thousand six, no less!! Which reminds me of the 2005's new year party, when we shot cheap tequilas with Lays potota chips. The point on how much we were drunk is very debatable but the fact that We managed to burn the rice we were cooking should give you some idea. The smoke detector started blarring, as people forgot about the fire and diverted their attention on stopping the alarm. Finally i had to step in, recollecting how Pheobe handles a similar situation in Friends, and gave the smoke detector a right and then a left.. kick! It stopped blarring and even now if you go to apartment 6919-D, carlton Arms Drive, Indianapolis you'll notice all but one smoke detector not working.

Did i mention -on serious contemplation i realised- that early next year would be a nice time to shift southwards. Yeah, don't act surprised when i forward my resume and ask for a referral. Damn, i propably shouldn't be saying these things on a public forum like this.. what if my boss googles for my name and lands here? Ok, from here no use of my real name. (Note to self: Remove the picture on the profile... but just in case any hot single girl out there wanted my picture, you could google for images of Brad Pitt, Mel Gibson, Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel and use the "complex virtual JPEG interimposing de-glare anti-noise multi-layer image editing algorithm" to fuse all the images together and presto, you'll have what you wanted)

So, there you go people, a not-so-neat-random-non-associative-700-words post. Im proud of myself... on retrospect, i need S m i t h a back right? Don't worry, im working on it.

Filler post

2005-12-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, S m i t h a, my alter ego has gone missing. I've lodged a FIR and you know how Indian policewalas work. So until then...

Got tagged by ramses
10 yrs ago
10th standard - must have been busy studying for the exams or busy trying to impress my school crush. yeah.. its the latter, im sure.
anyways ended up as the school topper and all, but failed in the chota sa love story
was always fighting with my brother and sister: both being younger, i could exercise loads of bullyism

5 yrs ago
sophomore - having sorted out my priorities, where sleep comes first and studies comes last, with movies, novels, computergames, bird watching and writing code sprinkled in between, it was party time always
another crush got crushed - she fell in love with another guy :(
but managed to write a master-minion-trojan in C and called the program lover.c

last year
work - was awarded exceptional new comer. was in the USA for 6 months. found out that the girl i was in love with was already married :( i took all of the above with equal enthusiasm
decided to start a blog and after a few corny posts about my life, decided to cut the musings and write short stories
met some wonderful people through the blog and been friends thence
got myself a Sony cybershot and tried my hand at photography too

yesterday
brought my mom sarees for the first time
finished reading "The Tipping point"
decided not to cut my hair and sport a Harry Potter cut

5 yummy things
Elisha Cuthbert
rain dance
Mom's kadai chicken
Skyline 4-way chilli
Uno's chicken-wild mushroom pizza

5 things i know by heart
most tamil song lyrics
most english movie scripts
don't develop crush on beautiful women, they are so depressing bcos they are so unattainable
genius is as genius does
im no genius

5 things i'd do if i had a lot more money
quit this job and aim for a Ph.D
will buy a window screen and gift it to the poor Irani girls living opposite my apartment
buy movies
buy books
and after gaining some experience, produce and direct a movie :)

5 places i escape to
my creative self
silence
sleep
books
a phone call to my mom/sis/bro/friends

5 things i'd never wear
a sad face
a dhoti without a belt
an open shirt before i get back my abs
any formal wear unless it is fatally compulsory
lipstick: the one from kissing not accountable eh?

5 favourite tv shows
Friends
Coupling (Star World - sat & sunday 2 PM)
Will and Grace
Extreme engineering on Discovery
Bikini destinations, Late night show or anything on F-Tv ;)

5 things i enjoy doing
bird watching ;) anywhere/anytime
sleeping when i've to be at work
reading all night
watching tv with no one to take the remote away
writing code

people i'd like to tag
curses
Kathak
Danny
Sujit

feel free to ignore me, if u r not interested

Seroius contemplation

2005-11-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

Me apologise for the prolonged absence. Me promise to write something very soon. A science fiction short story hit me when i was taking bath. No; no other significance to the bathroom eureka, this story has: believe you me. Somebody teach me grammar.

The Creation of Adam

2005-11-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

Ok, that is supposed to be childish... and a very Happy Childrens Day people! Go play!!

Single

2005-11-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

Me is back on business. Will write something once me exhaust me mind with VVV of the pictures me took over the trip.
And many congratulations to all the engaged people... Sathya(Cousin), Vivek(Colleague), Bharath(Collegemate), Vinayaga(Collegemate) and the soon to be - Senthil(Roomie)! Proposals unlimited this time of the year, me thinks.
And i know its 2 hours early, still.... a very very Happy Birthday kiddo Kathak!

Home flooded home

2005-10-28T07:32:00.000-07:00

Catch you all in a week. Hope the floods have subsided by now and nothing is serious.
Happy Diwali people!!

Whats cooking doc?

2005-10-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

"Good morning! Did i wake you up?"
"Hi kiddo.. and yes, you did."
"ha ha.. i feel good. Having done my one-good-deed-a-day already!"
"Hardly, i'm going back to sleep after i hang-up. I picked the phone up because i don't want to be the boyfriend who disappoints his girlfriend this early on a sunday morning."
"Early? Do you know what time is it? It is 9:30!"
"Its a sunday morning and unless i smell my mom's steaming idia-apam, im used to getting up around 11."
"What dish is that? Never heard of it."
"What kind of a south-indian-girl are you who don't know idia-apam? I pity the guy who is going to marry you!"
"That would be you, my dear. You better start learn how to cook all those stuff, because i'm not going to serve you steaming idia-apam and all."
"Girls these days are useless i tell you. They can't cook, they can't wear a saree, they have forgetten how to feel shy and above all they have an attitude that reads shouldn't-it-be-the-males-turn-to-give-birth?"
"you.. you.. thats not true. We are not like that. At least i'm not like that. But you have insulted me."
"Hey.. hey.. i was just kidding.. don't be mad at me. I'll make it up to you."
"You better. I'm hanging up. humph!"
"Don't! don't!..... damn, she hung up. When will i ever learn not to get carried away and speak the truth?"

"Hello Mom! What's cooking?"
"Dosa, sambar and coconut chutney."
"Aaaaaha! I'm drooling already... but mom, can you teach me how to make idia-apam?"
"Why the sudden interest in cooking?"
"Lets just say, i have some making-up to do..."

Story tree...

2005-10-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

...contd from reNUka

He thought it would be an ordinary journey. Standing behind the pillar he watched the train snort arrogantly into the station. With each snort he was reminded of his grandfather's words "You will fail in the city and return penniless"; with every heavenward whistle, he heard his cousin, "Don't worry. Come here and I will get you a job at the construction site." Now he had a 34-hour journey to prove one of them wrong, and he expected the excitement at the end of the journey. He looked at his ticket once again: compartment S9 berth 23.

He would preserve this ticket. When he would succeed, he would frame and hang it for all to see, as a reminder of the fact that greatness had humble origins, of the day when he set out to seize his destiny. His lips quivered with emotion as he carefully counted the money in his wallet, yet again. Four crisp hundreds and two crumpled fifties. At seventeen, it seemed like a fortune to him. He would carefully plan his expenses. He felt as energetic as the strong breeze that hit his face. He stumbled backward, as the wallet slipped from his hands.

Turag watched it fall, with the fingers of both his hands curled—one gripping the steel bar and the other gripping nothing but air. The wallet settled, the second time it touched the greased stones. It was diminishing in size and moving away from him like an open-mouthed balloon propelled by the gushing air. He knew, well enough, the events that would follow if he pulls the stop-chain. In fact it was a stop-chain that brought a wind of change in his life. Getting off from the thought-train that the stop-chain had evoked, he rushed towards it, with uncurled fingers.

"Don't do that." said a voice from behind him. The command in the voice, more than his curiosity, made him stop and turn around. The first thing he noticed was her eyes which also held the finality her voice seemed to convey. He was still staring deep into the depths of her beautiful eyes when he realized that he had been stopped. He closed his eyes for a second, shook his head to clear out the image -as if wiping the slate clean- and reopened them.
"I drop my wallet.", he said.

i pass the baton to j'Adore, Sunita and thuvax.
---------------------------------------------------------------

(Everything below the dashed line above should be copied and pasted with every accepted tag)
This is a Story Tree and is best nurtured as follows:
1. A blogger can add only 90-100 words (not more or less) at a time.
2. All previous snippets of 90-100 words need to be copied before the new set of 90-100 words are appended.
3. Each entire snippet should be linked to the respective author (and not just the first sentence or so)
4. Characters, scenes, etc. can be introduced by an author
5. Bizarre twists, sci-fi, fantasy sequences are best avoided.
6. A tag must be accepted within 7 days else the branch is a dead branch
7. After appending 90-100, the Story Tree can be passed on to at most 3 bloggers.
8. If more than 1 branch leads to a blogger, s/he is free to choose any one of them but cannot mix the snippets of the individual branches.
9. The Story Tree is best left to grow than concluded
10. Please attach the image of the Story Tree below with each accepted tag (the link address can be copied and used).

Onsite

2005-10-21T04:35:00.000-07:00

"Hey darling sister!"
"Anna!! So nice to hear your voice. You didn't call for more than a week now. Busy huh? I didn't do my Maths paper that well.. was trying to call you and curse the prof who set the paper, but you weren't available... How are you?"
"I'm ok kid. Work keeps me busy."
"You are so boring da. Get a life.. for the love of God."
"What do you expect? Girlfriend?"
"Yeah now that you mention it.. that would be great. And don't forget to give me her number, so i can chat with my anni when you are busy."
"You'll be the first to know, don't worry. How would you like a NRI or an American to be your anni?"
"Get out of here!! You are going onsite again? US? For how long?!"
"Yeah! And this time i'm not even sure how long. Might be for a couple of years."
".....hmmm..ok. When are you leaving? What did mom say?"
"In three weeks. Mom wants me to settle there!...hey, i gotto go now. Call you later, ok?"
"Ok, bye"

"Good morning! Pyramid DVDs. How can i help you?"
"uh..hello, do you sell DVDs? I'm looking for a title to gift my brother."
"Yes ma'am, we certainly do. What are you looking for exactly?"
"Swades?"

My left foot

2005-10-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

"Hi my dear psycho brother... what are you upto?"
"Hi big brother, im upto no good, as usual... but pleasantly surprised to get your call."
"Shut up willya, or i won't call you anymore... then, how is final year engineering treating you?"
"Forget about my studies... what are you getting me for Diwali? Im sure you want to know my preference, right?"
"Yeah, go on... hit me!"
"I want a shoe! A sports shoe... very jazzy and all... in fact if you can manage a shining red color that would be great!"
"Ok, what is your shoe size?"
"Hmmmm... i dont know... let me check."
"Check the sole, there usually is a number..."
"I can't find any number on my sole, must be inside the shoe, will tell you once i get home. Alright?"
"Ok, i'll be expecting. "

"Hey brother, its me."
"Hmmm... so whats your size?"
"I have sent you a mail."
"Why do you need to send a mail? Just tell me the number now."
"Check my mail. The size is there."
"Tell me now."
"Ok, i couldn't arrive at any particular number after seeing all my shoes... so..."
"So what did you do?"
"I have scanned my foot and sent you."
"??!!!"

I want one

2005-10-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

Sue me! I am a blogger.

Support button courtesy Kiruba.

If someone is listening, can you please send me a legal notice? I want one right now...very badly. In fact, make that an arrest warrant. An arrest sounds much *cool* and besides legal notice are so out-of-fashion!

Virginity is lack of opportunity (X-rated post)

2005-10-13T02:28:00.000-07:00

It was dark but i could see her clearly even from that distance. She opened her arms as if to invite me. I went close -within touching distance- and began admiring her luscious body, wanting to feel her smooth skin, my heartbeat rising every second.
"You are very pretty..."
"Can i sit here?", i asked in what i consider an irresistable sexy voice.
She did not answer but the slightest of nods.
"Whats your name?", i asked.
"Ok, i'll call you Demi...", i said.
"Are you a Virgin?", i asked.
Again she refused me an anser and turned her head away from me, blushing.

Oh, btw - I got my bike y'day & i baptized her Demi.

Make that a 1000

2005-10-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

"Hi Mom, whats up? Why you calling me?"
"Son, i got this snail mail today & thought you should know about it immediately."
"Im in a meeting mom... make it fast."
"Its a wedding invitation, i think the bride is your collegemate. I remember you introducing her to me when i came to your college."
"Oh yeah, i know she is getting married. So where is the marriage?"
"Are you ok son? I always thought you had a crush on this girl. Even i thought she was a very nice girl."
"Im ok mom...really, its nothing. It was just a crush and it was a long time ago. Now i dont even remember how she looks."
"hmmmm...ok, you are going to the marriage? It on the 10th of next month in Bangalore."
"No mom, i think i'll pass. Anyways i wont get a leave with the project release due next month."
"I still worried. You sound a bit dull after hearing about the wedding....... "
"No mom, its not like what you think."
"Ok, at least send her some wedding present. Or should i send some gift-cheque to the address on the invitation? Say rupees five hundred?"
A little Rs. 500 would not express what i felt for her mom.
"Mom, better make that a 1000."

Note to self

2005-09-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

The contents are getting so narcissistic that me feel nauseaous reading them: i dont know how you people manage. And seeing my incessant talking about women, the Google's content based Ads on the bottom(that nobody ever clicks) thinks this ad will suit the readers..

Attracting Women
Proven Secrets On How To Meet & Get
Any Woman You Want. Find Out How!

Damn! No more musing & self-centric posts. Get ready for some creative ass-kicking. And if S m i t h a fails to come up with something creative, yours truly is planning to write some technical posts! How many of you love obfuscated programs?

Guess the output of this one-liner C program:

char*s="char*s=%c%s%c;main(){printf(s,34,s,34);}";main(){printf(s,34,s,34);}

Hint: Ok, no more self-centric stuff.

And hey, did you notice the new Hermione in the background?
Ok, don't stare!

My love story..

2005-09-18T22:18:00.000-07:00

..is a tragedy
..is a detective story
..is not your cup of tea

Well, it is not a multiple choice question. All are true. Here is the sad proof :(

Author writes his first ever love story. Comes out to be 35 pages of pure ecstatic love. He re-reads it and tells himself, "Erich Segal would appreciate the drama and Jane Austen would have been proud of the dialogues" and decides to get it to office to get it in digital format. On that fateful morning, in the parking lot, he asks his roommate to hold on to the notebook. He asks for it once they were in office. Roommate gives a blank stare and remembers the parking lot. The author made sure his roommate appreciate the gravity of the situation. Author's roommate still walks with a limp.
And the notebook is yet to be found. What peeves me even more is that someday when i buy wada in a roadside hotel, one of the paper of my love story might end up as my napkin. The possibility, that a hindi director might get hold of the story and make a crappy movie out of it cant be ignored also. I'll keep you latest on this front, as it develops.
Author logically concludes that the elements are against my love story being read by the world. So, it not your cup of tea.
Hence proved.

But some other things in life are looking up :D
I wouldn't have believed this even myself, that why my mom sent me a scaned copy of the letter she received from my company. Go on.. read.. but i forbid you to laugh though!

Well, me is a Star alright! They even sent a bouquet of roses along with it. Mom sounded so happy that me decided to break the news of my engagement. I present to you my Bike-To-Be..

Must be in my hands in 2/3 weeks. 180cc/16bhp/0-60Kmph in 4.5 sec.. and all that jazz. Me hope i don't hug another truck with this.

I finally got the project change i've been asking for more than 6 months now. Wish me luck, im going for the stars... again!

Tagged - Honestly

2005-09-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm glad Anu tagged me. The short story me promised being not made the distance from head-to-paper, i got to post this filler. For a change im being honest in this post. Don't tell me i didn't warn you!

Seven things you plan to do before you die
I would like to do more than 7 things actually :( So here is the top 7!

Go to Moon/Mars/space and jump around in micro gravity
Script/Camera/Direct/Edit a movie
Write more stories about children
Buy an island to retire there
Get a rock hard ab (good enough to model for one of those Tele-shopping-network ads)
Buy a nice small seclusive guesthouse in Ooty as my mom wished
Get a Ph.D in www subject (no no not that WorldWideWeb thingy. i mean, WhatWomenWant - LOL)

Seven things you can do
I can..
watch movies 24x7
read books 23x7
work 1x5
compile C program in me little head
be very reserved at times
write english & tamil in mirror image
drive a bike head on into a truck and live to tell about it

Seven things you can't do
I can't..
get up early on a sunday morning
stop ogling at beautiful women (obviously right?)
turn my right hand palm face up completely :( *sobs* *sobs*
appreciate modern art
figure out why we have to pay tax to the government
stop eating junk food
understand me (only sometimes though, dont call Keelpakam already!)

Seven things you say most
kiddo/kid (yeah i know a lot of kids :D)
machi/machan
enna-di? (with my sister of course)
psycho
a handful of tamil swear words which im not going to tell you :P

Seven things that attract you to women
Me is a stupid character. Me brain associate some physical qualities to personality, which me brain get attracts to.
Physical - Personality
Mischevious powerful eyes - Intelligence & common sense
Long black hair - Patience & composure
Sharp edgy chin - Non-pompous attitude
Rosy voluptuous lips - Nothing personality related, just tooo good for a kiss ;)
Smooth lengthy neckline - Sense of humour & self respect
Curvaceous effeminate waistline - shy is coming :)
a couple of noway-im-telling-you & i-want-to-keep-my-female-readers (i-said-honest-and-not-brutally-honest)

Seven celebrity crushes
7 is such a small number :( can i add two zeroes? please.. please.. ok, here is the latest 7..
Asin
Sonali Nagrani
Jessica Alba
Josie Maran
Mia Sara
Dakota Fanning
Emma Watson

Seven people me like to tag
Now 7 seems like a big number :( Me can list all the readers of my stupid blog and still not get >7 response. Please feel free to ignore me if you are not interested.
Ramses
Danny
Kathak
Renuka
Anju
Curses
Thuvax
Moosa
Sunnath
Ulu
Niket
Parag

11000

2005-08-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

One saturday night, twenty four years earlier, in the simplest of clinics, on a dusty village road of Tamilnadu, i was born. Dad kept reminding me that it was unusally bleakly for a august night and that it was a new moon day. He would also jokingly add that people born on a new moon day have inherent thieving abilities...err, I became a software engineer, didn't I?
Mom sent me a jeans & a T-shirt. Brother sent me some tamil music CDs. Sister sent me a card. And people from all over the world kept calling all through the night.. only they didn't call *ME* :(
Sorry people, for the absence.. the number 24 grew big on me. Been trying my hand at a love story, and i can proudly confirm that it is not easy. So have no fear, i'll be back with something creative.
BTW - Do people kiss because they are in love or to find out if they are in love? Just wondering..

Cold coffee

2005-08-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Chapter I - "A wedding and a funeral"

Dad entered the hall, where me and mom were playing Scrabble and said "Can i get a cold coffee?".
An eerie silence followed. For, this only meant one thing.. that he had lost a patient.
Yes, as weird as it seems, my father, the Doctor, has this habit of having a cold coffee to ease him down.
Mom knew that he liked it with no ice and toned milk. She prepared it in a jiffy and went to the bedroom.
I never understood this "cold coffee" concept fully myself, but i'm not surprised, because i also am just a six year old who dont know where babies come from.

"Hey, are you alright? Is it a patient?", asked mom.
"mmmmm...yeah, i'll be alright. yes, it was the kid. The funeral is tomorrow... i need to go.", said the doctor thoughtfully.
"Tomorrow is that wedding, we RSVP-ed.. you go to that wedding.. i'll attend the funeral."
"Who's wedding?"
"Our son's class teacher's. Remember, we met her in the PTA meeting. The very cute looking lady of the lot?"
"Yeah i remember. Ok, i'll take him and go to the wedding."

Chapter II - "A tour and a where"

"Dad, our class is going on a tour.. i need your signature on this permission slip."
"hmm... let me see... its a overnight trip! Ask mom, if she says ok, then i'll let you go."
"Mom said ok. She is fine until our class teacher also comes with us."
"Settled then!", said the doctor and signed the slip.
"Dad, one more thing.", and without missing a beat, he asked, "Where do babies come from?"

My son is always on this unquenchable obsessive enquiry impulse. How much should i tell a six year old? Should i tell the truth... nahh...he won't even begin to understand.
"Well kiddo, let me give you a simple answer because im in a hurry...alright?" and without waiting for a reponse from the kid he continued, "First, one needs to get married -like the marriage of your teacher we went to a few months back- and then comes the... sleeping together. The woman gets pregnant and a few months later the baby comes out of mommy."
"Ok.", and he left without another word.
Oooffh..that went well.. and he walks away like he is ready to become a father!

Chapter III = "A complaint and a remedy"

These school teachers are useless i tell you. My husband is a doctor and she tells me about children psychology.
"Listen to this, our son's class teacher complained about him today.", said the mother.
"What happened? What did he do?"
"It seems he had been fighting with the other guys on that tour night and she had to seperate him from the dorm... Obviously, he couldn't be put in the girls' dorm... so he had to spend the night in her room."
"Dont worry, i'll talk to him later."
"Im not worried, its just that she told me our son did not sleep the entire night... and she was very spiteful about it..the teacher is anyways going on a long vacation it seems and she is not expected to come back to school."
Suddenly the kid entered the room and asked, "Why wont she be coming to school mom?"
"Because she is going to have a baby. She is pregnant..."
An eerie silence followed.
"Mom, can i get a cold coffee?"

Dedication: The one, who is pregnant.

My mom told me... when i was born, that i didn't stop crying until that cute nurse picked me up!

2005-08-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

Subtitle:I just wanted a lengthy title for a change.

Considering the fact that this blog has aged more than a year, and more importantly, i dont have anything to blog about, me was seriously contemplating recycling one of my old post. I went through all the masterpieces i have ever written, at here and at here, but found nothing worth a penny to post again. Me didn't find any of them even remotely funny. But i consoled reminding myself, "If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humour".

Me drove a bike today to work after the accident three months ago that blew my right wrist. It was like, i was born to ride fast bikes and leave other things to destiny. That reminds me, i dont believe in destiny. Well, nevermind. The rains in this part of Maharashtra did have its effect on my incomplex-simple-life. My physiotherapist cheated on me... i mean, she "cancelled" on me, because of the rains. On a completely different note, does any of you know how many Kamasutra positions involve the extensive use of the right hand?

And i will take leave with a Seinfeldism thought...

At my desk

2005-07-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

Junta, this is the first of the pictures to come off my camera phone. Looks ok, aren't they?
But i can explain all the kiddish accessories. My sister gave me the angel and specifically asked me to keep it in my desk. Cousin gave me the dolphin timepiece and i have this thing for dolphins. My 8 year old nephew is a champion jigsaw puzzle solver and me is trying to follow his footsteps. So c'mon, give me a break, im just 23 and after all my creative alter ego's name is Smitha.
My manager, who recommended me for the promotion -i presume- came to my desk to congratulate me. He saw the goodies at my desk and left a very thoughtful man. I feel, me solving the Harry Potter jigsaw puzzle did the trick.

For the love of HP

2005-07-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, the template change is complete & the world can see it fine i hope. Me had not changed the font or the general look owing to the clean & neatness of it. Any inputs are welcome. A thanks to the copyright owner for the picture of Hermione is in order i guess.
As no one visits Three men in a blog, another space where we 3 collegemates blog about serious issues like per-marital sex and our girlfriendless life, i'm posting this VVV here also...

Updates

2005-07-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the absence & all that jazz..me indeed let work get to me. But justified i say, considering they paid me full even when i was away!
I'm planning to change the blog's Matrix theme to a Harry Potter theme. All in favor, raise your hand. Err.. I actually can't see you raise your hand, so you can put your hands down and leave your comments below. Kathak, no im not hankering for comments.. :P :P i will take silence as acceptance.
And since the pressure from all the Pune girls, for me to get a mobile, was becoming unbearable, i got one... a Nokia 3230. (Thanks to Rams for the suggestion!) Apparently all the girls just have to say good night to me before going to sleep. One night asusual i picked the phone up and said "Good night darling"... the voice repiled back, "..darling?? Who r u trying to woo? Its ur sister, u dumbo!". So, no, number available only on request. (attach a profile picture please). Im now armed with a 1.3 Megapixel digicam: resurrecting VVV.
My hand is coming along fine. The physiotherapist being a young lady. But the wrist hurts really bad... even more painful than it had been immediately after the accident. Aaarrrgggggghhhhh! Thankfully, there are painkillers and sleeping pills. And your prayers as well. Thank you guys :*
An idea for a nice little story is floating in my head. Just a squeeze of time off work and i'll post it. Ok?

The rain...

2005-07-07T06:05:00.000-07:00

...does this thing to me. Makes me feel very sad and very hopeful at the same time. And since im one laptop and one digicam less, i would be musing for a while before returning to VVV or stories.

Pune becomes this lovely bride in a green outfit every monsoon!
Ok, let not begin that blatantly blunt... for starters, lets travel back in time...(tortoise mosquito coil winding)

Me back in office after a Gods-conspired-against-me-but-well-deserved-vacation at Trichy. (Irony: Got 450 new mails bcos of the long break... didnt get it? check my last post.) The moment i stepped into the auto at Pune, the heavens started pouring cats & dogs. Impeccable timing, i tell you... like a cover drive from a in-form Ganguly. The autowala was a veteran driver: he took me in a ring road or something i never knew existed. At first i was scared to find no buildings/people, i even cleaned my glasses, no use. Maybe the rains washed away everything i thought. Suddenly he took a turn and we were in Pune-University road. I saw the buildings and some girls clinging on to their boyfriends riding a bike. My relief knew no bounds! "They are here...they are here only", i told myself. (I meant.. the buildings, you silly.)

The flight from b'lore to pune was a typical Tamilan story. A "hot girl" took the boarding card after me and me was so excited at the prospects of sitting next to her. After boarding, found out she was in the next row on the opposite window. That ladies and gentleman is a Tamilan story... "He never gets the girl :("
But the hospitality of Indian Airlines needs a mention here. They suck! But there was some VIP in the first class. I could see only his hand(no, it wasnt toying a samurai sword), might have been a politician or a higher official from IA itself because all the air hostess were grining ear to ear and talking to him all through the flight. Even the captain came to visit him and was particularly unhappy when he found out the co-pilot was also stading behind him. Then he ran back to the cockpit screaming something obscure...i could only hear "...there..is..no..auto-pilot..."

Was at Bangalore last weekend. Can safely say, it was the closest to one of those typical college days i spent, after becoming an alumni. Met almost a dozen collegemates and partied, for it was Moosa's birthday on the 3rd. We went to sleep at 6:30 in the morning because our jaws ached from all the talking through the night. Cliche ahead: One lives all the boring days of work & chores a year... for a day like that! Yes, yes, alcohol was involved, and no, no, i dont drink.

Now, im asking myself... If the place one feels most happy is their home, then which is my home? Trichy, Bangalore or Pune!

Nobody sends me

2005-06-29T02:06:00.000-07:00

The grandfather paradox

2005-06-26T15:58:00.000-07:00

Chapter I - "The library"

November 12th, 1999, was an unusually thunderous dark night. The occassional blinding lightning bolts revealed the darkness of the swirling clouds: threats of a heavy rain evident.

10:04 PM
Bala unaware of all these turmoils going on outside was comfortably sitting all alone in the college library with a dozen books spread in front of him. With rapt attention as if every neuron of his were firing, he jolted down quick sentences and equations onto his diary, not noticing the librarian walk up behind him.
"Listen Bala... i'm afraid i have to ask you to leave. You are the only one here. I gotto close the library and you better hurry to the hostel before it starts raining.", said the librarian.
Bala turned around, "Yes Sir, i will. Just give me a minute."
He turned towards his diary and stared at the last sentence he had written and added the words...
...alternate future ?
followed by a big question mark to the sentence and closed the diary.

Chapter II - "The man"
Outside the library, the man waited for Bala in the shadows. He was wearing a black jumpsuit with a hood and was well camouflaged. He saw the watch and muttered under his breath, "..three, two, one.. now!" and looked up. He smiled.

10:08 PM
Bala came outside the library with a couple of books in his arms. He took a look at his watch before continuing to walk in the direction of the hostel.
Bala strolled like a keyed toy, obviously very familiar with the path, careless of the deserted dark road, pre-occupied with his own thoughts and oblivion of the man who followed him in the shadows.
Bala wanted to be alone with his thoughts. He assured himself that he very close to finding the answer he was looking for, for the past six months. All he needed now was a clear mind, a cup of coffee, and his notes in the diary that he had been collecting all along.
A dry stick snapped with a soft but a loud enough sound that gave Bala a fright.
Bala turned around and saw no one. He asked, "Is anyone there?".
There was no answer but he had a weird feeling that he wasn't alone. He waited for the next lightening to illuminate the blackness. He saw nothing and started running towards the hostel.

Chapter III - "The friend"
Kannan was waiting for his roommate Bala in the lounge when he saw him enter the hostel.
"Hey Bala, i know you'll be back when the library closes. Lets go for dinner before the rain starts.", said Kannan.
"I'm not hungry. Moreover i need to complete this thing i had been working on. Im close to finishing it!", answered Bala.
"Oofu, You and your research! What is it this time?"
"You wont believe it if i told you."
"Try me." replied Kannan.
"Ok... here goes... Einstein suggested a concept called `worm-holes` in the space-time continum. It is shaped like a hourglass with two different time on both it end. I think i found a way to create a worm."
"That was all greek to me. Do you mind translating that in English?"
"Well, essentially it is the `Time machine`."
"What? Are you kidding me? You are building a time machine? Damn! What do you want to do with it?"
"Kanna, i havent thought about what i would do with it. Now that you mention it... i would propably come back to this day and watch myself explain these things to you from outside."

10:15 PM
The man hiding outside the hostel smiled cheerfully hearing Bala & Kannan talk. He opened a diary, got to the page dated November 12th and wrote "Yes" to the last question on the page.
If the subject were to disturb any of the happenings, won't it create a fork in the timeline... thus creating an alternate future ?

Filler from the "pencil" past

2005-06-23T02:59:00.000-07:00

As im still chewing on a idea for a short story and as it seems i need time to get it into RTF format, this post is a filler. Please excuse me, i'll be back with a story.

Was going through some old files and i found out that my passion for women dates back really farther than i thought! I was 12 years when i drew this.

My other passion, Space & beyond!

When i closed the file it dawned on me that i lost many of my sketches :( Even more aggravating was that, the begging-to-be-drawn-Aishwarya-Rai-poster in my bedroom was slyly smiling down upon my broken hand... AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Wish to fly?

2005-06-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

And with that, i announce a temporary break for VVV. Time for some short stories! What say?

Snow walk

2005-06-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

No, thats not exactly what Armstrong said. He missed the crucial article, `a` !

Boys and girls

2005-06-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

Ode on the anniversary

2005-06-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

This blog has existed an year now! yayy!!
It had come quite a distance...

From self-centric musings,
to a short story & photography blog.
From the "hey machan, i started a blog, do read" mail for friends,
to the "hey! nice blog, blogrolling you" mail from a Pakistani blogger.

The drive is "creating something",
closest i can get to being a father.
The fun is "reading the comments",
closest i can get to a mother in UK.

Didn't want to reveal my identity, `S m i t h a` i called myself
but honesty never left me, `gender` column still read `male`.
Never cared for an audience, and i still don't
the drive is still there, even if my cousin in b'lore don't comment.

I will always write about thoughts/feelings i know/felt.
Thats why you are seeing kids and helmet related stories,
and not about girlfriends or lover or wife. But soon i will...
Fingers crossed, touch wood, and all that Chicago jazz

No intention of sending any "greater message" to the society
through my blog. If you find any, good for you!
If it made you smile for a nano second, thats all i care,
even if you are an uppity from Lynchburg, its not bad for you.

I have this overwhelming urge to thank all my friends, (follow the white rabbit...updated)
But i think i'll pass, i would do it personally, face to face.
But i should thank you all, the readers
and the occassional commenters, from as far as Venus!

I envy you

2005-06-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

The grass is always greener $

2005-06-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Fall

2005-06-10T12:59:00.000-07:00

Duty free

2005-06-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

You are as old as you feel

2005-06-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

All the proof

2005-06-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

Note: Only after writing it completely i realised the point of view could have been better and the structure was also mediocre. You all know how lazy me is :D

Shankar, aged 10, standard 5, rank 3, was a unique little boy. He lost both his mom and dad to a road accident a couple of years ago and lived with his grandparents in his quiet, native village. The boy greaved, but recovered because of the love and affection of his grandparents. His grandfather became his mentor, his hero and his companion.
The old man understood very well what the boy was going through. He knew that the young boy looked up to him and he took over the role of a father.
Three months after the tragic incident, during a regular visit to the nearby temple, Shankar told his grandfather, "Sir, I have no faith in god. I refuse to kneel and pray before a god who took my parents away from me. I won't come inside." The old man had no answer and the fact that Shankar knew, his parents met with the accident while they were going to a temple didn't help either. He let the boy stand outside the temple while he went inside.
From then, Shankar never went to the temple or prayed to God. He refused to say prayers in the school assembly. The only time he ever joined his hands for prayer were during the pooja done for his parents every new moon day. He was happy that his grandpa respected his decision and never spoke about his lost faith again.
It changed one sunny afternoon.
Shankar was watching the other kids play, waiting for the lunch reccess to end when he saw his grandfather. It must be new moon day today and time for the pooja, he thought.
The old man said, "Lets go home, kid! I told ur teacher."
Shankar replied, "I'll get my bag, sir." and ran into his classroom.
He got the bag and informed the teacher, "Ma'am, my grandfather..."
"Yes, i heard. You can go home.", she said.

Shankar came out and started walking the five-minutes-walk towards his home with his grandfather. He liked walking with his grandfather since it brought back cheerful memories of walking with him, holding his hand, to the market and eating colorful candies when he was young.
"Grandpa, do you remember, we used to go together to the market. You would buy me those candies and chocolates from the sweet store."
"Yes kid, i remember. I actually got you some sweet. Ladoo... prasad from the temple.", said the old man and offered Shankar some.
Shankar kept walking like he didn't hear his grandfather. He never accepted any offering from the temple and his grandfather knew this.
The old man smiled and said, "Shankar, you should not go on like this. Fear of God is neccessary even though you dont believe in God."
Shankar reasoned in an almost serene voice, "Sir, i have fear in my elders. I respect them. I believe in what i see and refuse to believe in something that i have not seen or heard. How is that wrong?"
"It is nothing to do with right or wrong. It is a way of living. You are all the proof that i ever existed and you symbolise each and every one of your elders and your ancestors. I ask you to think again, without the anger, about your decision."
Shankar walked quietly for a while before he nodded yes, almost as if not wanting to disappoint his grandpa.
The old man smiled cheerfully seeing the nod from his grandson and continued, "You have learned the Gita, which says God has a purpose for His every action. One shouldn't stop believing when His actions are different from one's desire."
"But even in the bible, nobody believed Jesus until he resurrected Lazarus from the dead. Let god do a miracle. Then i would believe in him. A miracle, nothing less!", retorted Shankar.
He waited for a reply but his grandfather never did. He turned and searched but saw no one around. As his home was just around the corner he continued walking and noticed a small crowd outside his home. He walked slowly towards the mob when he saw his neighbour and asked him about the crowd.
"O dear Kid, i don't know how to tell you... but your grandfather... died this morning."

Dedication: To my grandfather, Pichamuthu, after whom me named this blog, Pichuva. Afterall... he gave me mine, Mathi.

Arranged?

2005-06-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

He asked the prostitute, "How much for an hour?"

His mother asked the bride's parents, "How much dowry?"

He said, "I only got 500 rupees. Good enough for half hour?"

They said, "We'll leave you two alone. Talk, say, for half hour?"

In her bedroom, she asked, "Is this your first time? I don't have all day, get going!"

He didn't know what to talk to his "would be wife". Neither did she. He finally managed, "So this is your bedroom huh? Nice."

She was furious, "What do you mean you don't have a condom?... you get a half a dozen for Rs.5... there must be a few on that drawer, take one."

She answered, "Yeah, i made it. But it wasn't filter coffee... its Bru. Rs 5 for six cups."

"What do you think, sleeping with men is my hobby? Get out of here!"

The most interesting question he could manage within the time was, "so...whats your hobby?"

P.S: Guys, this is just one perspective. Don't turn the heat on me... please :)

Coma colorless

2005-05-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

Warning: Folks, inspired by my accident, i wrote this story thinking so many stuff. The first draft was twice as long and felt like a science lecture. So please feel free to remind me that i suck at creating fantasy.

Chapter-I "Blue colored sheet"

The last thing i remember was staring into the headlights of that truck. The next thing i remember is waking up in a hospital. I knew it was a hospital because of the smell. I tried to get up when my friend standing next to the bed said, "Relax hero, lie down. You are still in shock from the accident."
"Oh.. i hit that truck is it? How bad is my bike?"
"Blummer.. you stupid.. we were worried about you. and idiot you are worried about.. your bike? You were in a coma for almost fourteen hours now, you know that?"
"No it wasn't coma." said a female voice entering the room, which belonged to a young lady with a sthescope around her neck.
"Hi, i'm Dr. Sneha. I've been taking care of you."
"Hello doctor."
"Hello doctor. Why do you say it wasn't a coma?", asked Aamir.
"Because coma is dreamless and you were dreaming last night. I saw REM. Rapid Eye Movement."
"Oh i see. So what are my damages? My friend here won't even let me get up."
"So far we have seen, from your CAT scan, X-ray & other reports, you are perfectly normal. Not a scratch."
"So why was i out cold for the entire night." i asked.
She took time to see both of us in the eye before she continued, "You received a heavy blow to your skull which made you unconsicious. Although you weren't hurt physically because of your helmet, there is a small chance that the blow might have affected your memory in some way. What i am saying is there is a possibility that you might have forgotten something..."
"Forgotten? Like my passwords?", i asked slightly alarmed.
Aamir added, "Yeah, i know a friend who forgot his handwriting after an accident. He couldn't even sign his name as he used to."
The doctor continued, "So dont be scared if you dont remember something. It is not abnormal especially after an accident. Its my duty to inform you that... and now im taking your leave. You can go home anytime you want."
"Thank you doctor"
"Thank you doctor"
"Just sign the blue colored discharge sheet with the nurse before you leave. Thank you." said Sneha and was about to leave the room when suddenly i realised what i have forgotten.
"Shit!!"
"What happened? You don't remember your signature?", asked Aamir.
"No i remember that. But i dont know see colors...everything is black & white!!"
"What!! You mean you don't see colors after the accident?", asked Sneha.
"Yes"
"Oh my God!", exclaimed Aamir.

Chapter-II "Common sense"

"I feel like a color TV with bad reception. Its like the chip that processes color in my brain is smashed or something. Is there anyway i can get my colored vision back doctor?"
"hmmm... this is a very specific problem. I believe, similar to all other senses like smell or touch... colors are also coded in your genes."
"coded?" asked Aamir.
"Yeah.. you see nobody has to teach a kid that a smell is bad or good. Or the sense of taste and touch is already present in you when you are born."
"So what are you saying? My gene got altered because of the accident and i forgot colors?"
"No, you are the same before and after the accident. But something is missing.....wait a minute..the `Weaver bird` experiment!"
"Yeah i know that experiment. What about it?", i said.
"Wweaver birds breeded in captivity were denied twigs and coir to build their nest and they never saw their parents do it either. But when the fourth generation birds were provided the twigs they built a perfect nest."
"Because...?", asked Aamir.
"Because the nest building skill was already in their genes. Nobody had to teach them. Twigs were the missing entry. Your case is similar to this."
"So you mean... i know all the colors, i can see all the colors, but someone/something is denying me that?"
"Yeah something like that."
Aamir noted, "Thank God, that you haven't forgotten your common sense. That would have been more difficult."
Sneha said, "Yeah it would have been so much simple if common sense, whats good & whats bad, religious faith are also coded in one's gene. But they are the qualities we learn by experience and treat it as more important."
"Thats all very interesting but will i get my sight back?", i asked getting a bit impatient in a black and white world.
A long silence followed.
I was worried.
Aamir seemed Mr. Head on shoulder.
Sneha was thoughtful for a moment and lighted up like she found the answer. She was very excited when she said, "Its a dream. It makes sense. You knew about Weaver birds. Dreams are colorless."
Aamir smiled like he understood what she said.
"What are you talking about? Dream?"
"Yeah, open your eyes." said Aamir.

Chapter-III "Deja vu"

I opened my eyes. I was in a bed and could smell the hospital. I turned around and saw my wife Sneha and my friend Aamir besides the bed.
Sneha said, "Thank God! You woke up. I was so worried."
"Oh.. i hit that truck is it? How bad is my bike?"
Aamir said, "you stupid.. we were worried about you. and idiot you are worried about.. your bike? You were in a coma for almost fourteen hours now, you know that?"
"No, it wasn't a coma. Coma is dreamless, but i was dreaming. A very wierd dream... which i'll tell you. But first... this room is painted green right?"

Dedication: To my helmet. If you didnt like the story blame it on the helmet, that i lost my creativity in the accident. :D

Misfit

2005-05-11T02:50:00.000-07:00

Inspired by who am i?, who got inspired by a softer world.

Suggestions for a title other than `Colored glass` are welcome. Or help me chose between `finer things`, `aut me aut nihil`, `my stained view`, `Vini, Vici, Vidi` ??

Chocolate supplement

2005-05-06T04:11:00.000-07:00

Note: Hey guys, i'm back. This time i'm doing a monologue of a girl. Please forgive my ignorance on the subject, but what matters is... that i tried. So here u go...

I love chocolate. Which girl doesnt huh? There are only two other things that I love the same way as chocolate. My brother. Although he was six years elder to me -which would make him twenty six years old- we were always like classmate friends. He made up for my dad, who died when i was young. He was very sweet and the greatest brother any sister can get. And the other thing is, I love the kiss from my boyfriend. The intoxicating sensation you feel when you are kissing the guy you love. Those are the three things I love, not in any specific order, mind you.
I invited my boyfriend over for dinner at my place with my family and then we were supposed to go to a movie together, but actually we were going back his place and a movie was the last thing on my mind. Nevertheless, I was a bit nervous since it was the first time I invited him over and I so wanted them to like him. I cooked the food myself with some help from my mom and brother.
Half way through the cooking when mom was out of earshot my brother out of the blue asked me,
"So kid, you love this guy?"
".....", i was blank. But after the initial shock i managed a, "I think im anna. No let me rephrase that..I know i'm in love."
"Ok, he seems a pretty good guy."
"When did you meet him?"
"No i didnt meet him kid. I saw you that day with him at the mall. So i made a few checks myself. And what do you know, he checked out fine." he said, gave me a pat on my back, pinched my cheeks, and went out of the kitchen.
You never seize to amaze me. Love you anna. mmuuaaahhh.
I almost finished the cooking when I heard my boyfriend arrive lead into the house by my brother. After the pleasantries and some drilling question from my mom -none from my brother bcos he already knew about him- we sat down for dinner. Everybody enjoyed the food i thought. We cited the movie timing and made a move out. Mom called out to drive safe and reach safely.
The moment we were out of the door, he said, "Shit! I did a stupid thing in there."
"What did you do? Stop freaking me out!"
"Damn, you know you were sitting right across me at the dining table. And I thought it would be fun to play, you know, toe-toe...so i started touching your toes with my legs..."
"What? But.."
"Yeah i know...only after a few seconds i realised it was your brother's leg i was on, who was sitting next to you at the table.", he stopped and added, "I felt your brother up! I'm sure he is going to kill me."
Damnit! You would have scored if only you havent done the most stupidest thing. That too, my brother.. lets run away from here.
"Lets run away from here! Start the bike fast!!", i said as i turned around to look at the door and realised we were just twenty meters away it. Horrors of horror, my brother opened the door and came running towards us and called, "Stop!".
Me and him just froze at the spot. I was so sure that a streak of unspeakable words, loaded with enough dosage of advice is coming.
"Hey k... sis, you forgot your dessert. I brought you chocolate....and this time it comes with a supplement.", he said and thrusted something into my hands, turned and left.
I waited for him to get back into the house before I opened my hands. Along with my favorite bar of chocolate there was a sachet that read *durex*.

Dedication: To my friends, Parag and Niket, who helped me think like a girl :D

Once a caveman

2005-04-26T02:13:00.000-07:00

Note: This short story is my first love letter to my-techie-self. I know i was supposed to post another story titled "Shot through the heart" -which is a drama- but that story had to be postponed due to some production issues!(The heroine of the story was not willing to wear the dress i chose for the item number.) So here u go... a techie one.

Nobody missed Professor Riya's lectures. Not only because she was most attractive looking lady in the entire campus but really because she taught Computers like no one else. She was one of the rare gem who sported both beauty and intelligence, the deadly duo. Aptly the students named her Alpha Juliet. Ram, a sophomore, had a huge crush on her. Well, in fact he was just one of the many guys who thought that she was the love of their life. The most interesting part of all her lectures was the question and answer session at the end of it, when she would answer any of the questions the students have with such panache and passion that it invariably made all the students like her even more. Ram, was an unsuspecting poor soul.

Ram woke up with a start, realising that he had just five minutes to run to the most interesting class... Artificial Intelligence, lecture by no other than Prof. Riya herself. He can't afford to miss her lectures. Moreso because Ram loved the Q&A part. He never did ask any question, but the only question he was dying to ask her was... How she manages to look that drop dead gorgeous? He told himself one day he will find the courage to ask her that question, maybe not in the classroom but in private. But today he would just have to get ready and make a beeline to the lecture hall.

Fifty minutes later...
"...so thats in a nutshell.", said Riya to an packed but alert spectators of about a hundred students.
"We still have ten more minutes..any questions?"
Almost everyone in the class raised their hands.
"Well, well... we have many Hermiones here it seems.... you go first", she said pointing to a girl in the first row.
"Professor, do you think an AI would become hostile and start dominating human species once it realises it has superior knowledge than humans? Like it happens in the movies!"
Riya smiled cheerfully,"You guys are all spoiled by the movies. I totally disagree with the concept of hostile AI. I'm willing to bet my money that it would understand the value of life far better than humans do..... like in the movie Terminator 2, if that makes it clear for you."
"Ma'am, how long do you think will it take to create an agent with Artificial Intelligence? Considering the current rate of growth in the field of computers.", asked another student.
"In short i believe it doesn't depend on anything... because I reckon that an AI would really be a product a programmer might stumble upon, rather than a result of an extensive research by a big company. AI would be an accident, like the discovery of pencilin."
"Discovery? Don't you mean AI would be an invention?", retorted the student.
"Yes i said discovery and not invention. AI would be a discovery, since it would be a singular consciousness that makes the agent to question itself and although it would be some code written by a human, the code is not going to be something unreal or spectacular or something that we dont know already. In fact, it might just be a single line of code."
She waited for the message to sink in. And apparently the students caught on.
"So what do you think it would do, if not hostile?"
"I guess, it would probably take up a profession like any normal people and live in harmony with humans."
"Are you saying that it could be that simple? I dont believe it.", said a student from the infamous last bench.
Riya smiled to herself, gave a shrug, "We'll see one day whether i'm right or wrong? Until then....any other questions?"
The class was silent this time, propably baffled by how simple she made it sound.
"C'mon, i thought you guys would do better than that... ask me anything? we still have five minutes!", exclaimed Riya.
"What is your age ma'am?", asked a male voice from somewhere in the class, followed by a giggle from the entire class.
"Ohh, anything means *anything*..is it? Since someone asked, i'll answer... i'm six years old.", she paused and continued, "A silly answer to a silly question." and gave a im-game-you-guys smile.
"What is love ma'am?", came another student's voice from the back. This time no body giggled but turned around to see where the sound came from. Ram became furious.
Riya seemed calm as ever and continued, "well well well.... what do we have here? The million dollar question. I can't answer it fellows, not only because it is out of syllabus, but also because I really dont know the answer. But i will tell you one thing. Love is the most important aspect of life. It is the single most important factor in the civilisation of man. How? You see the homo sapiens were just a bunch of wild people living in caves. But once a caveman said, `She is mine and she is mine alone.`, and made sure he lived by that, which is considered the starting of civilized life on earth."
Right then, the clock on the chimed signalling the end of the hour.
"Ok guys, lets wind up for the day. Thank you for your attention." said Riya and sat down in a chair and watched all the students go out, except for one.

Ram gathered his courage and walked up to where Riya was sitting and said,
"Ma'am, do you realise that you look sinfully beautiful?"
"Do you know thats the third time this semester that you are telling me that? Well my answer remains the same... with all the intellectual powers that the an AI agent possess, the first device she will build would be the one that manipulate human memory."
With that she took out a odd looking silver pen, pointed at a completely baffled Ram and... *flash*

Can't hurry...

2005-04-19T05:04:00.000-07:00

I had huge plans for the 25 hours flight back to India. I opened my laptop to work on my next short story. Damn the technology, anyone within a 100 meter range can see my screen. The lady next to me saw the title "Shot throught the heart" and gave me a very wry look. I closed the laptop and never touched it again. I tell you...
You can't hurry art!

Saw four and a half movies back to back on the flight. Couldn't sleep at all... the indian customs people had been taunting my dreams lately. Thanks to my lucky stars they didn't ask me for bribe. Waited more than two hours for a bus at the Bombay airport to complete the last leg of the journey. I tell you...
You can't hurry India!

Life was restored to normalcy again. Sweated for no reason at all. Chatted with friends and roommates. Called home and got some bashing from mom for not calling her before i left. Came to office in jeans and t-shirt after hitch-hiking my way on the Mumbai-Pune highway(note: not freeway). Saw some indian females (God, i forgot how amazingly hot they could look). And sat in the office with nothing better to do than type this. I tell you...
You can't hurry life!

Went and saw the tamil movie Chandramuki, yesterday at E-Square. The no-longer-the-friend-i-used-to-know-got-married Murali and his wife joined us. They are a lovely couple. Very cute. Me asked him, "So, how is married life?". He was all smiles and replied, "You need to get married to experience it machi."..... Me thought of varied replies for that, but i tell you...
You can't hurry love!

HASTA LA VISTA, USA

2005-04-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

Long long ago, so long ago, nobody knows how long ago... i came to the USofA. Actually it was 6 months and 4 days ago, but whatever. It had been an awakening/enlightening/life-altering experience. No, im kidding, i just wanted to test my spellings-skills. The thing is, it is time to say good-bye and get my arse back to India where it belongs. Like i have any regrets doing that!! Will be starting from here on 16 or 17th: pray for my safe return willya?

I came here a lonely man with only my wisdom as my guide. Don't laugh, i really mean it: i did not even fret a tiny bit when i saw PDA(Public display of affection) and i swear i did not notice the pink flower in the low-cut T-shirt that woman was wearing. Well, anyways, i wont be missing anything, to saw the least. There is always E-Square and MG Road of Pune to catch up on ladies fashion anyways.

Ironically enough, after coming to USofA i made some interesting friends with people from Pune, Kathak and Agent R. Even managed to gain myself a twin and a behena! And an American friend as well, Anju. Overall this trip has been an great success, if you dont consider the project i was working on, that is. The project met some terrible times. I think they finally figured it was my code that crashed the application most of the time, or maybe im just paranoid.

As i look back on the past six months i realise something profound. Apart from the filter coffee my mom makes, i also like Starbucks's frappuccino coffee. Not profound enough? Try this... As much as i dont like this place, I want to come back here to study. I missed CAT last year for this project, but only after visiting Purdue i realised what i would be missing if i dont do MS. Thanks to Vinayak.

Well thanks to everyone actually, for being there, or just reading this and giving a moment's thought to this poor young soul that is so eager to be loved and loves to love back. Thats a lot of love i tell you. I'll sign off because i choke off all the bandwidth with my love. And they lived happily ever after.

12 - 13

2005-04-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Caution: Short story ahead! I resorted to a monologue script for lack of better way.

My name is Raj. I am twelve years old. Well, not any more. Today is my birthday and i turn thirteen! I know that turning teen is a big thing: after all, the western culture allows for dating after one turns teen. But i hope i get the Play Station or the Desktop as my b'day gift from my parents. Or both..yayyy! Because mom said she has a surprise for me when i was leaving for school in the morning. Being the only child helps in these matters. You get all the attention and you dont have to share your gifts with your siblings. My dad might pop into my room any moment now and give me my present.

"Hey Kiddo! Happy Birthday!!"
Whats with the out stretched arms dad? A hug? Handshake is more appropriate, thank you. Hugs are so over dad.
"Well, thanks dad...and stop calling me kiddo. Im not a kid anymore.", for good measures.
"Ok ok, i wont. My dad used to call me kiddo all the time...anyways, i have your present for the day, but before that i need to talk to you about something. Sit down."
Oh no! Not the sit-down-talk. Anything but the talk.
"Actually, i just want to tell a story. It's kind of a moral story that i have been waiting to tell you."
"oookay...", Moral lines? You have always been the jolly fun dad. Why change now?
"Right. You have always been getting what you want son. I have never said `no` to anything you have asked for. But it is not always going to be like that in your life. Thats why i want you to listen to this story and i want you to think about it. Okay?"
"OK" Some thing is really up with my dad.
"hmmmm...here goes...Some time ago there was a very poor man who lived with his wife and four children. He was a woodcutter and to support his big family he worked really hard."
oh no, is he going through the "woodcutter and the golden axe" story and ask for the moral?
"He cut wood all day and since it didnt pay very well he was barely making ends meet. He sent his children to the public school because he knew that education would give them a better chance. It also worked out to his advantage since the public school served lunches, which meant he had four less mouths to feed in the afternoon."
"mmm hmmm", okay! i can forget about the golden axe and its moral.
"His daily wage was 12 rupees and even if he managed to cut with all his might he only got as much as 13 rupees. He came home with that money everyday and gave it to his eldest son. His son would then set out to the grocery store that was a few miles away and would get all the rice he could get for Rs.12 . Only then it was enough to feed the entire family. They cannot afford to buy any vegetables, so they grew some on their backyard."
Dad please dont ask me for a moral of the story.
"The mother then cooked the rice and served it to everybody. She also saved some rice for breakfast the next morning. Nobody knew how much she saved but they knew that they would get some in the morning."
I have no clue where my father is going with this sad story!
"One day, the father returned and like always his son set out with the Rs.12 to get the rice. But when he got to the store and reached into his pockets, the money wasnt there. He lost it on his way. He got really panicky and started frantically going over the footpath in search of the money. He searched and searched for he forgot all sense of time."
Now, he is just freaking me out...
"Only when it began to get dark he realised that his family was waiting and the truth stared at him. He was not going find that money and his family has to go to sleep starving that night. He returned home empty handed. And when he told his father about the money, he got so furious that he started beating his son."
Why is dad getting all emotional, and is that a drop of tear i see in his eyes?
"After all, it was all his day's work."
........thats it? thats the end of the story? Not a fairy tale ending..
"Not a fairy tale ending huh? But that how it is son."
"Yeah, It was a sad story."
"Well, you think about it....Your present is waiting in the hall."
i dont have to tell you how glad im for the story to end and to hear them magic words. Into the hall and the three big letter `DELL` on the box seems so beautiful, Mom standing next to it with a huge smile.
"Thanks dad, and thanks mom"
Dinner with my favorite sweet(rashagulla!) and soon its time to bed. Everybody off to sleep while i try to unpack the computer. Mom comes to my room to say good night.
"Raj, you can complete assembling it tomorrow. Go to sleep now."
"Ok mom, i'll in two minutes."
"Alright."
"Mom wait, I have a question for you....Dad today told me a story and i didnt understand why he was was so emotional about it."
"What story?"
"A poor woodcutter's story."
"Your grandfather was a woodcutter. Maybe thats why. Now, off to sleep. Good night!"

I switched the lights off and waited for a good ten-fifteen minutes. I went to my dad's room.
He was sleeping, but i gave him a hug anyway.

Dedication: To my cute little twin, Danny, who helped me write this story.

I take full advantage

2005-03-31T11:03:00.000-08:00

It is that time of the year again, when people go into hibbernation, write exams, get married, go south and also close down their blog for some fresh air. That means its time for small-time bloggers like me to take full advantage. Coming soon to a monitor near you... short stories by Smitha. Lo & behold! I hope all bloggers dont stop commenting as well.
Yeah, yeah, i know, nowadays i behave like a comment freak. All of my last four posts in some way threatened the readers to leave comments. beeeeeeeep(There was a sentence here earlier which appeared in the post because of some weird-alien-retransmission-phenomenon or i-suspect-Pakistan-ISO's-hand-in-this. So its been beeped out now) I accept that i was behavaing weird... and i also accept that once (only once people) i prayed to the `blog fairy` to give STD/leprosy to the fellows who dont click on Comments. Well, come to think of it, why am i repenting? All thee laggard readers, comment or die. (Dr.Evil's evil laughs in the background) I feel much better already.

Was really happy to see that me got linked from Anju. She also mentions `Very interesting perspective on life` in the same sentence as my blog reference. Does that mean i have to come up with one? I mean perspective on life. Leave alone interesting for the time being! And im not even considering the word very. Anyway, thank you Anju... you definitely live in my heart. Cheers!

I love this hitmap project.

It tells me that someone from Hawaii have stumbled upon my blog once and never bothered to come back again. Talk about why Japanese bombed Pearl harbor. Anyways, im not one without a kind heart -the size of a marble at that- so i forgive thee reader and wish that the Mad Cow Disease he/she got would go cured. Stop wondering how i knew abt the disease... it was from my curse earlier. If you know anyone who went on a hawaiian tour and is being treated for MCD...thank me.

Lesson learnt for today: The pop-up ad which goes like "Are you a good kisser? Take a test." is not what you think it is (even though the ad features a voluptuous looking female). And kindl note, the buzz u get in the lips is only because of the computer monitor's static electricity.

So i came to USofA and then a Pune girl becomes Miss India.

By the way, she looks beautiful. Don't you think guys? (evil inner voice: hahaha... hope this ploy works to get people comment. if it does i'll post some bikini pictures next time *lip smacking sound*)

And i read that she went on a Hawaiian tour a few months ago. Now wait a dog-gone minute...

Dog outside window

2005-03-25T06:07:00.000-08:00

Caution: Another short story. Dont ask me why four sentences make a chapter. I always wanted to write in chapters. You are entitled to your opinion, but i hate the opinion. :D

Chapter - I
Kalpana was a smart woman. She always knew what to do given a tough situation. Right now she nodded at herself for concluding righteously what to do. All her teammates agreed with her. She flicked a switch on and started talking.

Chapter - II
"So what is the answer?", cried Mr. Sarathy. "What a pity... 9th standard is supposed to be the building block of your education... and here you all are without even knowing this". Apparently he had asked a question to the students and stood them up one by one for the answer and no one knew it. Fourty five sets of legs standing and fourty five sets of shameful eyes were staring down... except one. Mr. Sarathy knew very well that Bala would know the answer. He moved his eye to the only boy still sitting in the entire class.
"Answer?", he said.
"11.2 Kilometers per second.", came the reply.
"Excellent."

Chapter - III
".... you are breaking up. You see what outside your window?", came the crisp female voice over the PA.
Kalpana continued, "We have a dog. I repeat. We have a dog outside the window......"

Chapter - IV
"Man, this is crazy. My parents would be worried sick, you know that? Its already 8:30 PM." said Kannan.
"Hey, listen, this is very important to me. I need that thing for the project. I have got everything ready except this one. So tonight is the last drill. We are going to steal that and we are going to complete the project. ok? So please stay with me."
Kannan nodded but he smelt trouble. They were near an huge metal scrapyard at the edge of the city after school hours. A fourteen year old could not have smelt more trouble in his life. But he trusted Bala, his best friend since childhood. "What is that we are stealing again?".
"We are going to steal a huge spring. I would have done it myself but it was too heavy. Come lets go in, i think the guy just left.", said Bala and ambled into the shadows.

Chapter - V
"We saw it went past the window and got itself stuck in the system. We accessed the damage. It seems irrepairable.", said Kalpana.
"What! Please hold i'll get Failsafe team immediately.", said the voice. The panic in the voice was unmistakable.

Chapter - VI
Kannan and Bala walked into the night carrying the payload. Bala turned the knob and opened an old cabin which stood quite outside his home with a sign that read "Dexter's lab. Do not enter!". Kannan expected the cabin to be dingy and ran down from its looks outside. But he was in for a surprise. The cabin was nothing like he had expected. It was single room, well lit by a 100 watt Philips bulb. The shelf was covered with many books, too big and advanced for an ordinary 14 year old at least.
"Hey, i will run into the house, tell my parents that im studying here with you and come back immediately. Just give me two minutes.", said Bala to Kannnan. As an after thought he added, "...and dont touch anything".
Kannan was left alone and he felt like he shouldnt be here. Maybe thats why even though Bala was his best friend he had never shown him this place. The room gave him the creeps. It had nothing that looked normal. There was a fireplace with coal and some blacksmith's tools. There was a huge metal pipe as wide as a two feets standing in the middle of the room that seems to have grown out of the roof. Not to mention the books that had no earthly business with a 14 year old kid. At least the books didn't scare Kannan. So he walked near the shelf and skimmed through the titles. Understandable, "Smelting techniques", "Brief history of Time", "The Colt Revolver", "The Fist of God", "Elasticity", "Modern Periodic table" and such titles did not ring any bell. And then he saw it. A shining metal mould half covered with a cloth. His eyes became wide. It was so glittering that at first Kannan thought that it was silver. He moved his hands tentatively to feel it. Right then, Bala came bursting into the room and startled Kannan.
"Hey, what is this? Is this silver or something.", Kannan asked pointing at the mould.
"No, its not silver. Its an alloy. Mostly tungsten.", said Bala as a matter of fact.
"I know, the metal in the light-bulb filament. So thats why you have been asking our friends to get you that strip of thing everytime some light fused out. To make this?", enquired Kannan, showing that he also knows his physics.
Bala gave a bingo-thats-why-you-are-my-friend-smile and replied, "Yeah, exactly. And you know what Tungsten's melting point is 3410 degree Celcius?"
"No i did not know that."
A dog barked outside the cabin which made both Bala and Kannan to turn towards the door.
"Oh shoot! That must be Bluto, our neighbour's dog. They unleash it everynight and it barks the nerves out of everyone in the neighbourhood. You would never believe how much sound comes out of something that small. Or for that matter how much shit! I hate that dog."
"If it is a small dog then why are you worried. Go out and give the dog a piece of your mind.", suggested Kannan.
Bala stood up like some kind of lightning stuck him. Then he said something really weird...
"You know, that dog is so small that it would fit into that tungsten-capsule just fine."
"What?", Kannan quizzed.
"Bluto is going to Pluto at an escape velocity of 11.21 Kilometers per second."

Chapter - VII
"Go ahead Columbia. This is Mission Control." came in a male voice through the speakers.
"Houston, we have a problem...", continued Kalpana.

Author's Note: If you are one of those people who come to my site, read everything and leave without clicking on [Comments], there is an embedded virus in this that sends all your temporary internet files and images to all the girls in your address book, your HR manager and your parents. You have been warned.
Me dedicate this to my good friend Sudhakar. I know, at least one comment assured.

I take full responsibility

2005-03-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

No No not for the bombing in Palestine or the Brad & Jenny breakup... but i take full responsibility for the screw up in blogger.com's comments section a couple of days ago. Let me tell u what happened exactly, First i tried to change my profile, just a tiny bit and i wasn't even lying about it this time(!!) and Blogger did not like it. Y'day i saw this nice/cool template i liked very much, and i swear i was just trying it on for size... and what do you know? i hit the [Save] button and this time Blogger.com's comment server blew up(!!). GOD, Why does it always happen to me, huh? So i reverted back to the old template and the world was once again saved, thanks to me, and worst part is I go down yet again as an unsung hero! (i hope someone from the `Men In Black` recruiting team is reading this!)

But.... i am not an computer science engineer for nothing. Im going to go ahead with the template change and then shoot a mail to the support team (well come on... what else you expect me to do?). Frankly, I dont care, whether i blow up the whole Blogger.com web-site, u see, i have my blog backed up :) along with all my collection(you know what). So here it is my new template... i name it `Agent Smith` (kiddo Kathak, :) this one i dedicate to you :P)

First i thought i would pose as the Agent myself... but decided against it as 1) i did not have the suit 2) the world as a whole is not yet ready to see me like that 3) if changing my template caused a failure then i was afraid this might cause the first ever internet black-out & we'll all go back to the stone age & communicate using smoke-signals and 4) a couple of others reasons as well, but you get the picture right?

And one more thing, i have an issue with not-being-liked. Im like Bharathi in this case (for the non-tamil readers, he *is* like one of the greatest Tamil poets... ever). He said... (im sorry Bharathi, but i have to translate you now)

If a single man is without food
we would destroy the world to get him that

I say,
If a single soul did not like this template
i would change it immediately!

Really... i cannot take the thought that someone did not like me for what i am... and im willing to change! (Its my obsession and it runs in the family. e.g., Pink and Incurably Yours.) But let me explain who falls into the *single soul* category.. *she must be a hot girl*. So a picture ID/portrait along with the mail for your rfc (request for change) is appreciated! And dont think you can fool me with a female model's jpeg you downloaded from indiatimes.com or some such site... i have seen them all :D (who do u think clicks on `rate this picture` link?)

Note: This is in response to the post by Anupama. And she writes wonderful! No im not kidding (Note: i dont kid in the `Note` section). And she has a sister too, at Vani. And she writes good too! I started reading them and i suddenly felt very home-sick :( :((... so i recommend you to click on the links only if you are within a 24km radius of your home...:) why 24? im just kidding :P

Pink

2005-03-09T05:49:00.000-08:00

Note: This is my first attempt at pure fiction. So please excuse me for being naive..i was pressed for time!

Scene 1: Busstand, Busy Monday morning...8:30 AM

A 20-something-college-going-guy-with-a-knapsack -baggy jeans and crumpled shirt- on his cell phone. Talks briefly into the device - disconnects - looks up to the bus standing near him.

He looks inside the bus...not very crowded bus...a good-looking girl sitting near the window seat and reading something. She straightens up.. looks outside the window... and sees our guy put his cell phone into his pocket and walk away. Right then another pretty looking girl steps onto the bus.. smiles at girl#1 and sits next to her.

they start talking.... we move in after 45 seconds...

.......
girl#1: i could never understand your obsession....
girl#2: why shweta? wouldnt it help to know how any steps i have to take from my home to the bus stand?
Shw: that i understand...what i dont understand is..why would anyone want to know how many windows are in this bus...how many in the right side? or how many in the left? u r crazy, Lavanya, i tell u.
Lav: me not crazy... its just a time pass... keeps me busy and thinking
Shw: yeah.. thats right. did u count how many people were using cell phones on ur way over here today?
Lav: no, as a matter of fact, i did not.
Shw: sure..whatever..
Lav: if u r not bored yet with my obsessions..can i tell u one more? please ya.. im dying to tell u
Shw: [smiles] ok sure..u r allowed one petty wish per day
Lav: ok, im the only person in this bus who is wearing blue!!
Shw: [gives an other whatever-smile] what does that make u? special?
Lav: yeah sure it does!!
Shw: [shakes her head and looks at the door] ....... im sorry kiddo..but ur special something was just ruined! look at that guy u just walked into the bus. he is wearing blue!
Lav: [looks up at the guy] *their eyes meet, a tiny smile from the guy as if he knows whats going on* damn it!
Shw: i like that guy for that .....

8:37 Bus starts and pulls out of the stand.

Scene 2: Tuesday 8:30 AM

Shweta looks outside the bus window from her window seat. Her next seat is empty. The same guy-with-knapsack walks past putting his cell phone away into his jeans pocket. She also sees Lavanya walk inside the bus...

Lav: hey Shweta! morning!!
Shw: Morning Lavs! So u are wearing white today huh? lets see....
[both scans the bus for any white dress]
Lav: yayyyy!! no one!!!
Shw: looks like u r *today's special* after all!
Lav: i know
3 minutes 41 seconds later...
Shw: hahaha.. here comes my saviour! in *white* [point to the same guy who was in blue the day before walk inside the bus]
Lav: *eyes meet, tiny smile* damn that guy!

8:37 Bus starts and leaves the stand.

Scene 3: Wednesday 8:30 AM

As usual, Shweta is waiting for Lavanya with a saved seat. As she walks inside, she sees the same guy-with-knapsack walk away.

Lav: morning!
Shw: i think u have suceeded into getting me involved in ur little obsession...
Lav: why? what happened?
Shw: nothing huge like urs... i just see this guy everyday in the bus stand!
Lav: that is not anything.. people wait in bus stand everyday at the same time
Shw: i know.. but he talks into the cell phone also everyday..
Lav: So?
Shw: the catch is, he doesnt get onto any bus... he just leaves.
Lav: ok... now we are talking... welcome to the club mate!
Shw: whatever.. this *is* kind of weird..
Lav: ok..coming to my world..lets see who else is wearing my color today..yellow.
[both scans the bus for any yellow dress]
Lav: no one... thats great!
Shw: dont celebrate too soon.. our *guy* is yet to come [looks outside the window] ...and here he comes..and then there were two people in *yellow*
Lav: *eyes, smile* this is unbelievable.. im beginning to like this guy!
Shw: [laughs out] me too..
Lav: hmmmm... i think i need to throw a curve ball here
Shw: what do u mean?
Lav: this guy manages everything... but i doubt he has a shirt in Pink color! No self-respecting guy would wear pink!!
Shw: so?
Lav: Im wearing pink tomorrow!

8:37 Bus starts and leaves the stand.

Scene 4: Next day 8:30 AM

Lavanya walks inside the bus, in her pretty pink dress!

Shw: look! that is the guy.. the one who is putting his cellphone inside the pocket, he is the one who waits and walks away from a bus-stand everyday.
Lav: oh i see..
Shw: so u wore pink..huh?
Lav: so lets see how *ur guy* manages this one!
Shw: lets see...
[2 minutes pass by in silence...both keep a vigil for *our guy*... peeping out the window every 2 seconds... tension mounting]
Shw: i think i see him... yes it is him...
Lav: where is he? what color is he wearing?
Shw: shoot...its *red*.. look there
[our guy walks into the busstand casually wearing a red colored T-shirt]
Lav: yeah it is *red*... haha.. i won this round! didnt i?
Shw: I'll be damned!! Look at the message on his T-shirt!!

The T-shirt reads: "Red is the new pink!"

[both girls are wide-eyed now in disbelief]
Before they could recover, our guy walks inside the bus ... *smiles at Lavanya*... sits 2 rows in front of the girls.

8:37 Bus starts and pulls out of the stand. Our guy takes out his cellphone.. touches few keys to get to the last received calls.. and presses `Call`...

guy#1: thanks dude! she sure was surprised to see the message
guy#2: no problemo buddy.. just remember, we double date..u get Lavanya, i get Shweta! over and out!

Author's note: I swear this is fiction. Please don't spam/pester me! And if u didnt like it, dont bother clicking on [Comments] either :P

The Valentine week

2005-02-16T15:41:00.000-08:00

First time i went to a bar in the US of A there was this heavy built guy sitting near the entrance who demanded my picture ID. Well, i do look a lot younger than i actually am(which is just 23 for the single women out there) and so I was prepared for such eventualities. I pulled out my indian LMV driver's license and showed it to him, with some pride i might add. But i wasnt prepared for what came next... he said "Can i see an other ID, please?". WTF? Why does he need another ID? Where the heck is my passport? Where is it when u need it the most? I searched through my wallet and all i could find as a picture id was a xerox copy of the same drivier's license. Anyways i gave him the xerox (with less pride this time) and awaited the verdict (Busted!). He had the copies, one in each hand, compared them millimeters away, gave them back to me and said "Please go right in".
First day at work i was coming back to my cubicle from the coffee break with a plastic cup full of water. I have to cross the reception from the coffee place to get to my cubicle where the receptionist Paula -an elderly woman- was keeping busy as always. As i crossed the reception area she called out from behind her desk, "u know, we have an icemaker in the coffee place. you can have ice in ur water if u want." She could never see what i carrying in my cup, least of all it having no ice... so i asked "how do u know i dont have ice in this cup?". She answered, "Ice in a plastic cup makes a rattling noise when u walk with it." I checked her last name, surprisingly, it wasnt Holmes.
First time i talked to a stranger in USofA was when i came outside the hotel for a walk. It was very cold outside that time, around (-5)'C.. but i badly needed a walk after all the sloth. So this guy who stays in the room next to me came out for a smoke. He started talking about the weather and i thought i'll give him company. He was quite excited when i told him that i'm indian and i work for an american company here. So he asked me about the company and how long i have been here and all that. Finally he asks me "So you married?".
I said, "No"
He continues, "Kids?"
I say (without missing a beat), "No"
Later i realised how absurd the question would have sounded in Indian surroundings. And how i managed to answer a twister of a question without a twitch! Americanisation?
By the way the title was just a ploy to get you reading. This post has nothing to do with valentines day... or my valentine!

where R u?

2005-01-29T15:58:00.000-08:00

the ball is in ur court...

2004-12-27T16:21:00.000-08:00

Guess? Is it the Sun or the Moon?

2004-12-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

Guess whats cooking? Purdue, Vinayak, Cabbage & Aloo is!

2004-12-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

No sooner my dream of owning a digiCam came true *this* happened... And so starts the career of an Oscar winning cameraman!!

2004-12-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

Thats my keyboard at my workplace. A picture speaks a thousand words, doesn't it? Everyone is welcome to say what you deciphered from the picture.

2004-12-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

She is the only girlfriend i could get to pose with me(my hand)!!

2004-12-06T18:08:00.000-08:00

A professional photographer might have done this some justice...but not me!

2004-12-06T18:03:00.000-08:00

Reaching high! No not that *high*...

L1

2004-09-20T01:45:00.000-07:00

L1. Don't ask me who that is OR what that means. All i know is that it/he allows you stay in the US of A for an year.
Really sorry for not having anything up for so long. Was immersed in the visa filling thing. The kind of questions they put on the questionnaire. Wierder was the kind of documents i was asked to fetch. Seriously, who care about the Appointment letter. I searched for it in the entire house, even the bathrooms, but couldn't find them. Finally when i lost all hope, the cooking maid emptied the rice container and there it was!! The number of holes in the paper and the color of the papers would put a manuscript from the 2nd Century BC to shame. Bravo rice-bugs and moisture, Bravo!!
But the HR incharge of recuritment is a nice lady. I exchanged my manuscript-from-2nd-century to the original copy from the office files. I owe the lady a treat! And i promised myself that i wouldn't laugh at the HR jokes.... for a month.
As an onsite oppurtunity in my company is as rare as an Indian Olympic gold, i grabbed the chance with both hands. But the PM asked me not to say anything to anyone. I counted and by yesterday all my projectmates had wished me a happy journey. Since the whole world already knows, i thought i might as well tell the whole world.
Niket, my good friend and two others also go. We still havent cleared the Visa interview. And we'll be going to Indianapolis for at least a month or two, starting from the first/second week of next month.
And one more good news for all u folks out there, i wouldn't be giving CAT this november. So one seat more for the taking. If only i could come to India for that weekend and write the exam. oh... wait a minute, i forgot where i kept the exam hallticket. But i know where exactly to start searching for it. The kitchen, rice-bowl....

Of TMC and MegaWatt...

2004-08-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

(True incident that happened during the riots in b'lore over cavery water. I know i promised u guys a short story with characters and all... but forgive me i can only manage a monologue here.)

I passed out of college in May, 2002. I was offered a job in a good(`paying` is silent) company through the wonderful thing called `Campus selection`. But nobody told me that they could defer my joining by eight months. They did. Believe me when i say those were the longest eight months of my life. Star Movies ad HBO gave me company through those lean times at home, Trichy. After some time i had to get off that couch, since it was developing a huge dent because of all the lying around. I went to Bangalore where most of my friends(already joined their companies) and two of my cousins lived. I fell in love with the city the moment i disembarked(they have females for bus conductors!). And the daily walk through MG and Brigade road were the best i have done. We would give each girl a score in the Aish-scale (Aish being 100). It was like trying to sort an almost ascending array that is infinitely long. I even managed to get a full-time job in Mangalore for a meager pay. And i would visit my friends in b'lore every other weekend as they were the closest.

One weekend when i was over in b'lore...the still standing Cauvery water issue rose to its zenith in years. With farmers from both states commiting suicide, the tamil film industry getting involoved, buses burnt and all the political stunts it was indeed an acme. The problem is that Karnataka would send the alloted water across the border. TN retorted or rather the stunt parties suggested that Karnataka who are marginally dependant on the electric power from the dams of TN should be given the finger. Im sure it added fuel. There was a sort of mild-curfew in tamils predominant areas of b'lore. It was nothing like in the Mani Ratham movies, where a mob would walk around with assorted varieties of spears and spades. Since nobody was allowed to come outside and even if they did there should never be more than three persons standing together for more than a minute, it was quite calm, nevertheless tense. The situation was under control simply because it never went out of control. Although Mysore and the related areas still showed hostility towards their tamil neighbours b'lore was still unmenacing. My mom got panicky and called me to ask me to rush home immediately. I assured her that there is little trouble and im not coming home and i have to go to work on monday to M'lore.

The Majestic. Sunday night. Cool air. Shoulder bag and water bottle.
I cant read kannada, but i was never not able to find a Mangalore bus from Bangalore. I inquired the condutor standing infront of such a bus whose starting and destination point's words differed only by the first letter, "when does the bus depart to m'lore?". The conductor told me it would do so in fifteen minutes. He was a 45-years-uncle-next-door sort of guy complete with a beer belly, thick glasses and gutka. I gave him Rs.500 and asked for a ticket to m'lore. ...click... The entire area went black. Power-cut. The conductor was actually entertaining a small group and the power-cut made to change their point of discussion to the cauvery issue. The conductor seemed eager to join the conversation. As he gave me the ticket and the change and went back to it. As i was mildly interested in the topic i stood there and tried to decipher the kannada. Im was not good at that. But i know profanity when i hear one. The carefully thought out blasphemy were directed at the Tamils who by their view are directly responsible for this power-cut. The conductor was the most heated one. I had a feeling that he called out to the entire Kannada community to unite against the dark force that is Tamilnadu. He even used some tamil swear-words. Being an orthodox Tamil i couldnt take it anymore.

I walked away and saw the ticket read Seat#35("Penultimate row, God! My spine!"). I went into the bus and depositted my overnight bag in the luggage slot over the seats. I came outside again to light a cigerette. In the light i checked the change the conductor gave me. There was a Rs.500/- bill in the change. He must have thought it was a 100. It would be very simple to just ignore the mistake and walk away a few hundreds richer not to mention the free bus ride. But my upbringing would never allow that. I promptly went back to the conductor to inform him of the mistake. He was still engaged in the same conversation if not with more might. I interpretted him right in the middle of "..all tamils are arrogant bast.." and told him "U gave me a 500 instead of a 100." in Tamil.

Football and Rain

2004-07-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

The Euro '04 was the first soccer tournament i followed completely. And to the surprise of the world Greece became the champions. So i reflected that, if an underdog Greek could win a championship maybe it is time i give it a shot. Well, yesterday i played football again after two years. Before that i have played it thrice in my life.
There is this tiny ground in our campus we use for any prupose. Football is no exception. Four bricks (goal posts) and viola!
Three minutes into the game, the ball came to me twice. I tried my best to dribble and pass it to my teammates. I can now confirm that round things are tricky to control. The captain of my team came to me and said "follow me" and started walking. I followed. After sometime he stopped and said "dont follow me". We were in inside our D. A subtle way of saying "you are not good enough to play forward... please defend". I took the hint and never crossed the D after that.
Soccer is a very demanding game. Five minutes later, i was running out of air and my lungs became dry. I politely asked some players that if by any chance i would fall and die they should tell my parents that the Greeks were responsible.
After the game, the captain came to me and thanked me personally for the two assists which got converted. After that my team captain came to me and told me in the very subtle way of his "will u be coming tomorrow?" (The answer he honestly expected was NO. So i gave him the pleasure. He was very happy)
Read "The Inscrutable American" sometime back. There is this time Gopal comments about the way american named the game `Football` when it has nothing to do with foot and a ball whose shape is anything but a ball. How true! Americans!
Today morning i got up and felt immediately this is not my day. Reason being, my roomate was dressing and he was not expecting me to open my eyes. What a spectacle that early in the morning. The lengths(no double meaning intended) these roomates go to improve intimacy.
So got ready and kicked my bike alive for the 20 minutes drive to office. No sooner than i reached the main road the heavens opened. Rain. Did i mention, it is official: my raincoat was stolen last week. Oh God! Why me?
Do u remember this. It was a day-time repeat of that. I reached office after 45 minutes later. If Akshay Kumar had a competition in the song "Thippu thippu barsaa paani.." with Raveena, it was me. That wet. I was shivering the whole day like i was recovering from a nervous breakdown.
At 6:30, a colleague called out "Im going to play TT in the recreation room. Want to join?"
I humbly replied, "Its raining."
He gave me the sternest of looks and moved away.

Best days of my life! - Vol.1

2004-07-07T08:17:00.001-07:00

Well, I made a promise and couldnt keep it. Forgive me thy Father for i have sinned. But no more. Here goes nothing..
The year is 1998, i dont remember the month or date (typical me). Context is me going to the college for the admission. The place is Trichy Central Bus Stand(CBS is its better known form). What i can not describle or rather find words to describe is the expression on my Moms face. Let me try another way.. picture this.. in the parable Prodigal Son assume that the prodigal son returns as the President of USA. Can u imagine the proud-filled face of his father. Well Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V over my mom's face. She was more excited than anyone about me making into REC-Trichy, Computer Science (no less). I thought my virtues paid. She knew how lucky I was. Mother knew better! (Yes REC stand for Regional Engineering college and yes yes it is NIT-Trichy now.)
I lived in trichy during my higher secondary years, even before my family could move there (on Feb'98). But not once i had been to the campus which would host the next four fabulous years of my life. So as i was saying we(me & mom) were all set(admission card + certificates) with great expectations and got into the first Thanjur bus that was available. Only latter i would learn how lucky we were that day..not every bus stops at RECT(more on this latter).
Very little Chit-chat and 40 minutes latter, we set foot on a hot plate of tar. My first impression we got down at the wrong stop. I almost cried out "Salior Marooned!!" or something to that effect behind the retreating bus. All my expectations went down the tubes.
RECT was exactly in the middle of nowhere, a hot desert with no trees or anything remotely green around! Hello.. this is Trichy for crying out loud. A few miles the other way river Cauvery flows (or used to flow, courtesy Karnataka)! Them my mother told me this is not in the delta belt of Cauvery. i thought, yeah! quite far off indeed. We walked a few meters and i could see some huge rocks peeping out from the earth. They looked like rocks formed due to valconic eruption. What a pity, RECT do not have any Geology graduate program in the offerring.
After a hundred meters walk we are in the administrative block and a professor(i persumed) directed us to the where the admission procedure was on, the BARN he called it(interesting, i thought, bcos my first knowledge of the word 'barn' comes from a certain Penthouse book). Enter the most proud mother and me. I forgot there were so many of them, i mean the students + the parents + the relatives + the distant relatives. Hoping to eye some cheese/maal i would be sharing my college years with we ambled and sat among the crowd. Luck was always my foe.

RECT trivia: How are the RECT girls better known as?
Answer: Non-males.

Yes guys non-males, believe me. After careful survey over the lot, it hit me that i choose the wrong college. Not a good sign to start with. "Hey! Dont lose hope. This is only the TN crowd. The other states admission is still to come." my ever so shrewd inner voice assured me. How wring it was again as i found out some days latter.

RECT trivia: How are the RECT northie-girls better known as?
Answer: Non-males with a fair complexion.

Seriously, whoever said "Beauty and brain dont go together" is a genius. I still havent met anyone who can prove this otherwise(for the single girls who want to prove me wrong, im available anytime).
Mildly put, the entire admission process was extremely boring and all i got out of it was a single sheet.The only information the sheet provided that i dont know already was my to be Roll number: 1980057.They even confiscated my certificates for this sheet. How rude!
I stared at the single sheet for quite some time and then it dawned on me, I just exchanged all my efforts in life for the last 16 years to this sheet. I told my mother what i discovered. She gave me a wry-smile(tough audience, i thought) and confiscated it from me. She cannot trust me with it, she explained. How rude!
The journey back home, i dont remember at all. But i distinctly remember i had a feeling "It is going to be interesting!".
bfn.

Of rain, dark nights and the bike drive back home...

2004-07-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Well, last night was rainy and dark (somebody call Bulwer or Lytton). Its June here in Pune as in many other parts of the world. But the point is that it starts raining here in June. That's right people, it starts. Stopping is a different matter altogether which occurs somewhere down the line. Don't get any ideas yet, it rains or rather drizzles like a baby pee. You better be a rain-lover or you'll have to lock urself up during these monsoon months here. (That is not a very accurate description of pune but im also not Robert Zemeckis nor do i possess the skill of Forrest Gump to describe rain.)
As i was saying last night after-a-really-pissed-day-of-work-on-non-work-and-tasteless-conferences, i was driving home(8:30 PM) in my bike (F2, pretty thing that female model who comes in the ad, yeah the same 'palat mare jaan' girl). Without announcement the rain gods decided that i was dry and i should go home wet. So they must have asked the babies who were peeing then to step aside and they must have stepped in "hand-in-that", because it started pouring CatsAndDogs(somebody tell me what is the origin of this phrase). As a natural rain-lover i welcomed it with a 'Shit!'. As it turned out i compiled a vocab of the collective noun for a pile of most animal's shit by the time i reached home.
I had my low-price helmet on. Let me assure you, its better that wearing nothing. It punishes you for not being attentive during the refraction and reflection physics class in your 7th grade. After all the reflection and refraction in the helmet's shutter flap, the twin head lights of a M-800 gets magically transformed into a bright display of a well-lighted-spaceship straight out of a Speilberg movie. I could only tell whether the vehicle is coming towards me or along me by the color shade of the lights. Yellowish means headlights, so towards me. Red shades means tail light, a vehicle along me in the vicinity. Thank God! i was not color-blind as my brother. I tried leaving the shutter open for a moment, believe me do NOT do that, it reminded me of another Physics topic, "Terminal velocity". Now i tell meself, at least my hair was kept dry by the helmet , on the bright side (on the bright side huh? comeon my first irony ever!).
I also had my expensive winter wear on. Do i have to say more. The only thing that wasn't wet on the coat was the zipper. It was all rust the next day. Now i tell meself, on the bright side, at least it got a wash after an year and i finally got rid of the sambar smell it had near the sleeves.
But the worst was still to come. What with the pinching effect on the hands, seriously? The rain pellets hits you real hard on the only directly exposed part of the body, ur hand. Whoever sung "Soft rain", come and meet me bloke! It hit on my nerve, both literally and metaphorically. On the bright side, there is NO bright side for this.
Last but not the least (probably the most often used phrase), the small puddle that gets formed between the legs and the seat. Now i know the etymology of the phrase "Wet to the balls". Every two minutes u have to do the stand up and sit down drill to let the puddle drain. I wonder what female driver do!? (please excuse the perv in me)
Rest assured, a bit while later after the initial rage has subsided and the softer-nicer clone of u takes over things take a different prespective. Although it hits u hard, after some time u tend to forget and enjoy the beauty of it, that is rain.
When you look into the beam created by your bikes headlights you would know how Microsoft got the idea for Starfield simulation screensaver. It is the closest you can get to StarWars space cruise for real. The mist like stuff that gets formed around the tyres of a fast moving vehicle. The ET special effect explained in detail above. The really small droplets of water that get past the helmet and sit on ur nose. Not to mention the adrenalin, because of the 80km+ velocity i do on the highway. Give me a slow motion camera and i give John woo a run for his money.
As much as i hated the 20 minutes drive back home, i learned to like it. Nature's way of saying "Evolve dude!", me thinks.

Mieux vaut tard que jamais

2004-07-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

I dont remember the last time i did some quality work(read coding). Nowadays all im doing is to write some datafixes for database. Dont exactly need a degree of Nuclear Physics to do. Needs more like the IQ of a toad. Imagine this, u wake up at 8AM with a wonderfully feeling of going to code today which ur GL has promised the day before. U take bath, scent and even take time to brush ur teeth thinking u got to look best today. U arrive at office keeping that sense of euphoria alive (which is a feat in itself, considering the traffic and the rain), open ur mailbox: one mail from Development manager(DM) -not a good sign- asking u to go over the 600 odd stored procedures(SP) and add NOLOCK to the JOINs wherever missing. Let me do the Maths for you, 600 files * 50 lines each = 30000 lines, 600 Sps * 20 JOINs per SP = 12000 Control-Vs. The last part of the mail is really tricky, "u can complete it today". I cant fail him now can i. By the time i complete it, my left-pinky was acutly bent bcos of the neccessasity to press the Control key for a day long. I mail back to my DM at 6PM saying it is done and the files are checked-in. Five minutes later i get a reply saying still some files are missing the required changes. I run to his place and ask how could go over 30000 lines in 5 minutes. Apparently there is a tool available for that. Why not use the same tool to insert the missing clauses?????????????????????? And save my day, not to mention my favourite finger. I was never more aggravated than i was that day. Had to sleep with my hand under the pillow that night, to stop the fingers from twitching(pinky was vibrating like a tuning fork).
What was more disheartening was, during the last appraisal my DM cited that i took me two days and several mails to complete that task and that he can only give me only a satisfying rate. But he promised that there are more such oppurtunities to prove meself in the next cycle. That put in layman's words means, more of Ctrl-C and ctrl-V work ahead for me. My pinky started twitching!

Read on papers today, Clinton in his book `My Life` gave Pakistan a tough time. Give pak the finger i say. He writes he was that close to declaring pak a terrorist state and i happen to agree with him. Going by numbers(im an engineer), even if 1% of the blame that India is assigning on pak for cross-border terrorism is true, pak is a terrorist state. "There are other citations in the book that leads the reader to conclude that pak supports terrorism" the paper said. Pity that Clinton had a row with Monica Lewinsky to dishonour himself. Otherwise armed with his words....it would have been a different ball game altogether.

Okay people, i better signoff before my DM gives me a load. Moreover, Wimbledon also is on (apart from Euro). The title is French for "Better late than never".

No jokes. I dont feel funny today.

Desperate times

2004-07-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

Indeed it was a poor performance by the limeys. Not only in the penalty shoot-outs but throughout the match. England's defence and their mid-field passes were as sloppy as Sean Connery's english, to say the least. It was only because of the protugese forward's incompetence to finish a goal that they could lead for the first 80 minutes. That said, u gotto give the portugese some credit. They came back strongly and suddenly after 82 minutes of zilth on their account. I would've liked to see England play the French in the final. It was not supposed to be. I felt low after the match, didnt talk to anyone(bcos there was noone to talk to, roommates were asleep). I still have the bad feeling (maybe bcos i did not have egg the whole of today).

Woke up at around 10AM and had to set a record time to get ready and drive to work. U see, there was a status meeting at 10:30. At 11:30 after the meeting was over (finally!), went to the canteen to grab some breakfast: was so starving that even the usual sandwich tasted different. That reminded me, i forgot to spit the toothpaste in the hurry. Damn.

Did some more of the usual quality work today. naaaaa...Who am i kidding? More copy-paste. That reminds me a nice T-Shirt message i saw sometime back.
"i write code.
i write code.
i write code.
i write code.
i write code.
i write code.
i am a programmer."

Couldnt read the newpaper today. So i refuse to accept whatever that happened y'day. But that reminds me a nice quote about newspaper.
"Its amazing that everyday, all that happened in the world could be fitted into 12 papers."

Its friday today. One more week is gone now. The corporate culture teaches u that Life is now measured in scales of week. Gone are the days when u felt like pushing time. No, not anymore. Time flies by in big chucks of weeks and months. Gotto start a social life soon. Any single woman in pune looking for a date, my name is Mathi and i only need a week's notice if dancing is involved.

WHAT!!!! Its 10:30 PM in the night. Didnt realise. 12 hours of work a day for this company is enough i say.

Over and Out.

Joke Time:
Q: Do u know why blind people do not sky dive?
A: Because it scares the shit out of their dog.