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aut me aut nihil

aut me aut nihil = Either me or nothing. no,no... me not boosting. me have an inferiority complex and trying to compensate :D 

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 07:27

Warning!

Positive Negative

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15 owls
Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 00:13

Back to innocence

Kid Eyes

I just realised, this is the first post this year without l-o-v-e. Ok, from here on, no more l-o-v-e! Me hormones are back to normal... one can only hope. But S m i t h a will still continue to be the randy-boy-next-door, because me dont want a personality split in real life. Like a Remo for a Ambi. But me like to be a Tyler Durden if at all it happens.

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9 owls
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 09:41

The Crush - vol. 3

Final Chapter
"You said you'll catch me next year but never returned!" said Swati spotting a sheepishly grinning Sathya, who looked very amused about something.
He recollected himself to answer, "Yes, that would my dad's doing. I really would have liked to meet you the next term. Believe me! That would have been eventful, to say the least."
"Eventful? You mean, you didn't have enough competition in your new school?"
"Yeah, something like that. It was never most fun without you and me battling it out."
"Hmmmm, I felt the same... So tell me what have you been upto, after you left town?"
"With no one to challenge me at the top, I completed higher secondary and got into a good college. Wherein, I studied engineering apart from doing other assorted activites! And im soon going to rediscovery myself in a software company. Your turn now."
"Does 'assorted activites' involve any girl?"
"Girl? You mean 'girls', don't you?"
"haha... don't flatter yourself. Although, Congrats on the job!"
"Thanks. So tell me, what useful role did you play in the past 6 years?"
"I did the same as you, actually. School, College, Fun, Friends. Exactly the same."
"What about personal life? Doesn't your boyfriend like to accompany you to the temple?"
"sheesh.. shutup willya?"
"A girl as good as you...surely has a boyfriend. It is the First Law of Thermodynamics...they taught me well in engineering!"
"Stop teasing already. And FYI, I don't have one. You studied engineering from out-of-date books, I assume."
Sathya smiled to himself in light of this new evidence(She-is-Single) as he made a mental note that he should stop teasing her now.
A comfortable silence streched itself out between them.
Swati said, "Come lets talk walking."
"You mean, inside the temple itself? Like, go around the temple a couple of times?"
"Yeah!" said Swati and they started walking.
Sathya continued, "You know, its luck that I blocked your way near the door."
"Otherwise we won't have met?"
"Yeah, exactly." said Sathya. Suddenly he remembered the first time he met her in school and said, "Do you remember your first day at school here?"
"Vaguely."
"Ok, I will tell you. You couldn't take your eyes off my 1st Rank badge. I thought I made a big impression on you, get strange stares from you and all, but only later I realised that your affection stopped at the badge." said Sathya, and conveniently forgot that he could not take the eyes off her that day.
"C'mon you are exaggerating! I did not stare at you or your badge."
"Really ya, believe me... I've a memory for these kind of things. I remember this one to the tiny details."
"Ok, if you insist."
"Yes, I insist."
Again there was a silence before anyone spoke. Sathya's pride wanted Swati to accept that he remembered tihngs right.
So he continued, "You surely remember the last revision test before the finals. We were neck-to-neck until the last paper was distributed?"
Swati looked at him quizzically.
Sathya continued, "It was english, I guess. I got a 93 and beat you by one mark? Don't you remember it?"
Swati still looked empty.
Sathya said, "I think I got a total of 460 and yours was 459?"
There was a beat before Swati slowly spoke up, "It was english alright. But you got 470 and not 460."
Sathya stopped on his tracks, suddenly remembering the lie and the foul up.
Swati continued, "And you did not get a 93... you got a 90."
Sathya turned and saw her in the eye. He asked, "*You* lied that day? Why did you do it?"
But before Swati could answer, he saw the answer in her eyes.
His ego got crushed, but he gained the crush.

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14 owls
Friday, March 03, 2006 - 03:47

The Crush - vol. 2

Chapter VI
Time has a proven way of teaching man meekness: aging. As it passed, Swati became that-school-crush that Sathya had in childhood days. Mistake not, he never forgot her, he just learned to live without her.
Years passed and she stopped coming in his dreams too.
Sathya was in touch with Madhu and occasionally queried him about Swati but never learned anything more than the usual "She is fine".
In college, he was as cheerful as anyone and even had a few crushes. But none came as purposeful as he saw his need for Swati. So he passed out of college, a virgin, frankly speaking. He repeated his brilliance at school in college too and landed himself job offers while graduating.
He was enjoying a month's vacation before joining his (excuse the cliche) high-paying-software-job-in-yet-another-Indian-MNC, when his mom asked him to go back and visit his school friends. Sathya liked the idea. He could stay at Madhu's and possibly sight Swati as she lived near Madhu's home only. But he knew he had lost his chance with her, long ago. Adaptation: he was excited all the same.

Chapter VII
"Look at you, you have grown into a man!" exclaimed Madhu.
Sathya laughed and said, "What did you expect? That I would grow into an ape?"
"Good to have you dude. Im thrilled. We have so much to catch up on."
And catch up they did. They talked all day except when they were pushing food down the throat. Sathya brought Swati into the conversation and Madhu ellobrated, "You should see her now. Apparently she attracts half a dozen proposals every week in her college. From men and women alike."
"What? Is it? And does she have a boyfriend." Sathya was suddenly very interested.
"Nope, she rejects them by the dozen."
Sathya gulped and thought of the devastation he might have had if he proposed and she rejected. Disaster averted he thought and thanked God silently.
"She still lives in this neighbourhood right?" queried Sathya.
"Yep, if you want to catch her go to the Narasimhar temple around 5 in the evening."
The topic diverted into other things but Sathya mind was ringing "Evening-Temple-Swati, Evening-Temple-Swati, Evening-Temple-Swati..."
At the dot of 5 Sathya excused himself and headed towards the temple alone.

Chapter VIII
Sathya was not expecting Swati at the temple. He was convincing himself that he was there to say hello to God. Unconsciously though, he just wanted a glimpse of Swati and then he would go on lead his life happily.
He prayed his usual prayers and added an extra demand, "Narasimha, its not like you don't know what I desire. Just one last glimpse. Thats all I ask. Willya? Please. I'll wait a 5 minutes for her. Thank you very much."
And he waited for a good part of a hour, eyeing every girl, before giving up on Narasimha. He strolled back to the temple door cursing Madhu for making him do a futile trip to the temple. At the door he turned around for one last look.

Chapter IX
"Excuse me! You are blocking the door." came a voice from behind Sathya.
Sathya turned around and saw Swati. Slow motion shot, take 3.
She was even more beautiful -if that is possible- now.
"Sathya!"
"Swati!" both of them said at the same time.
No words were exchanged for a while.
So naturally Sathya lied, "Out of all the people on planet earth, I would have never expected to meet you here."
"Now that is a lie, if I ever hear one."
Sathya managed a nervous smile.
Swati rallied back, "So you are still scared of me!"
"I was never scared of you. What gave you that idea?" said Sathya but wished that she stoped reading his mind.
"Remember our battles for the 1st rank? Are you up for another round? I bet I can beat you hands tied down!"
"I didn't come all the way from my city to start another battle. ok?"
"Hey, you were just leaving right? Why dont you wait here while I go inside and come back. I got loads to share with you."
"Yeah why not. I'll wait here."
And so he waited, thanking Narasimha and taking back the curses he sent towards Madhu.

...to be concluded

Author's confession: Thanks to Vani for the names and pushing me into rewriting this story. The 35 pages original that me wrote in the middle of 2002 was forever lost in a parking lot.

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3 owls
Thursday, March 02, 2006 - 09:10

The Crush - vol. 1

Chapter I
Sathya, 9th standard, B section, was the first rank holder. He was not mere intelligent but quite an established stud of the school. His trouble started when Swati's family moved into town. If you had guessed "love at first sight", help yourself some brownie points.
"Hello class! Please welcome our new girl at school." announced the teacher without context. An unsuspecting Sathya turned his head towards the mentioned target and then everything went in slow motion. His visions tunneled at the prettiest face he would ever see. His heart skipped a reasonable amount of beats. She walked very slowly -or at least she seemed to, for him- towards the blackboard and started speaking.
Obviously, Sathya could not hear any of what she was saying. He was still in a trance when his friend Madhu, sitting next to him gave him a nudge and said, "Stop staring at her, HotBlood."
Sathya returned to earth and caught her say, in the most innocent voice he would ever hear, that she was Swati. When she was walking back to her chair, Sathya caught her stare at the "1st Rank" badge he was wearing. He was never more proud than that moment.

Chapter II
"Excuse me! You are blocking the door." came a voice from behind Sathya.
Sathya turned around and saw Swati. Slow motion shot, take 2.
She was even more beautiful -if that is possible- up close. He was still staring at her lips when she reminded him that he was still blocking her way. He caught on this time and moved away. As she crossed him, she shot one sharp look at the "1st Rank" badge he was wearing. The look was almost amorous.
Sathya thought he will do anything to retain that badge. No problem, he told himself, for he had never got anything other than Rank 1.

In the next monthly test Swati came first. Sathya came in 2nd.
The "1st Rank" badge changed hands. Only now he understood the meaning behind that lecherous looks Swati gave that badge.

Chapter III
All that year, the school saw the most battled our "War of the 1st rank", for years to come. The badge saw an owner in either of Swati or Sathya, every monthly test. In the process, both had come to respect each other and became good friends.
His infatuation had now grown into a full-blown affection. Sathya still hid his feelings and did not talk about it even with his best friends. He always thought that a moment would present itself to tell her, but in truth he was afraid of rejection.
The battle of the ranks served well to distract his mind and keep it on books instead. Maybe if he proved good enough to get 1st rank all round the year, she might start liking him. Childish thoughts, but what can one expect.
Suddenly, Sathya saw it very clearly. All he had to do is get straight 1st ranks and everything will fall in place. He was a man on a mission, blinded by love, possessed by pride, and he took to books.
He didn't relinquish the badge after that.

Chapter IV
10th grade: 1st rank was to stay with Sathya. Swati came ever so close but Sathya proved a very tough opponent. After all, he was doing it for her.
She had almost given up hope of getting her hands on the badge when the in the last revision test before the final board exams...
"What happened? Which of your ships sunk?" asked Madhu.
"It is worse than that. Me and Swati's total were leveled at 377, with only the English marks left to be out. Well, the English papers were just distributed, I got 91 and she got 92. She beat me by one mark to the 1st rank!"
"Hey, it is not the end of the world alright. You have lost it just this once.. you were One all this year. Cheer up man."
"You don't understand..." said Sathya but could not bring himself to explain it to Madhu.
"Listen, put on a non-sad face for right now, because Swati is coming towards us."

"Hey guys, I need your English marks for the registers."
Madhu said, "I got 85."
"How much did you get Sathya?"
"hmmm..what?..yeah..i got.." fumbled Sathya.
"You got 93 right? I glimpsed it when you took it from the teacher."
"Err.." was what Sathya could manage.
Madhu was quick to grasp the situation. Obviously, She was mistaken his marks.
"Yeah, he got a 93, I just saw his paper. How much did you get Swati?", said Madhu, and placed a hand on Sathya's lap, conveying that he was going to handle the situation.
"I got 92.... shoot, which means Sathya beats me by one mark: 470 to 469. Congrats Sathya!"
"huh? yeah..Thanks."
After Swati left Madhu said, "They you go man, I got you your beloved number one spot."
"But we lied." judged Sathya.
"Blame the lie on me if she finds out, just give me a treat ok?"
But no one ever found out.

Chapter V
As expected Sathya topped the school in the board exams and Swati stood second. On the day the class assembled to get their official mark sheets, Sathya was going to tell Swati that he loved her. She will accept, he thought. She has to, he reasoned.
"Congrats Sathya! You topped as expected.", said Swati walking up to him after the ceremony.
"Congrats you too..But I should be thanking you only for this. I won't have done it without you."
"Me? Why? You did it on your own."
"You gave a tough fight. You literally pushed me into one."
"ha-ha.. interesting way of looking at it, but if it wasn't me pushing you then it would have been someone else? Won't it? Someone has to come in second right?"
"No, you don't understand..." he said. All reason told him that this was the moment he should profess his feelings for her, but he simply could not. Words dissolved and sentences disintegrated inside his mind.
"Well, if you don't have anything to say, I should be leaving now." continued Swati.
"Ok, I'll catch you later. I mean, next year, in class.", said Sathya. He told himself that he would perfect the way he was going to propose in the holidays and tell her on the first day of next term.
That was the last Sathya saw of Swati because his father got a transfer and they had to move to a different city for his higher secondary.

...to be continued

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4 owls

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