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aut me aut nihil

aut me aut nihil = Either me or nothing. no,no... me not boosting. me have an inferiority complex and trying to compensate :D 

Thursday, March 31, 2005 - 11:03

I take full advantage

It is that time of the year again, when people go into hibbernation, write exams, get married, go south and also close down their blog for some fresh air. That means its time for small-time bloggers like me to take full advantage. Coming soon to a monitor near you... short stories by Smitha. Lo & behold! I hope all bloggers dont stop commenting as well.
Yeah, yeah, i know, nowadays i behave like a comment freak. All of my last four posts in some way threatened the readers to leave comments. beeeeeeeep(There was a sentence here earlier which appeared in the post because of some weird-alien-retransmission-phenomenon or i-suspect-Pakistan-ISO's-hand-in-this. So its been beeped out now) I accept that i was behavaing weird... and i also accept that once (only once people) i prayed to the `blog fairy` to give STD/leprosy to the fellows who dont click on Comments. Well, come to think of it, why am i repenting? All thee laggard readers, comment or die. (Dr.Evil's evil laughs in the background) I feel much better already.

Was really happy to see that me got linked from Anju. She also mentions `Very interesting perspective on life` in the same sentence as my blog reference. Does that mean i have to come up with one? I mean perspective on life. Leave alone interesting for the time being! And im not even considering the word very. Anyway, thank you Anju... you definitely live in my heart. Cheers!

I love this hitmap project.
world map
It tells me that someone from Hawaii have stumbled upon my blog once and never bothered to come back again. Talk about why Japanese bombed Pearl harbor. Anyways, im not one without a kind heart -the size of a marble at that- so i forgive thee reader and wish that the Mad Cow Disease he/she got would go cured. Stop wondering how i knew abt the disease... it was from my curse earlier. If you know anyone who went on a hawaiian tour and is being treated for MCD...thank me.

Lesson learnt for today: The pop-up ad which goes like "Are you a good kisser? Take a test." is not what you think it is (even though the ad features a voluptuous looking female). And kindl note, the buzz u get in the lips is only because of the computer monitor's static electricity.

So i came to USofA and then a Pune girl becomes Miss India.

By the way, she looks beautiful. Don't you think guys? (evil inner voice: hahaha... hope this ploy works to get people comment. if it does i'll post some bikini pictures next time *lip smacking sound*)

And i read that she went on a Hawaiian tour a few months ago. Now wait a dog-gone minute...

29 owls
Friday, March 25, 2005 - 06:07

Dog outside window

Caution: Another short story. Dont ask me why four sentences make a chapter. I always wanted to write in chapters. You are entitled to your opinion, but i hate the opinion. :D

Chapter - I
Kalpana was a smart woman. She always knew what to do given a tough situation. Right now she nodded at herself for concluding righteously what to do. All her teammates agreed with her. She flicked a switch on and started talking.

Chapter - II
"So what is the answer?", cried Mr. Sarathy. "What a pity... 9th standard is supposed to be the building block of your education... and here you all are without even knowing this". Apparently he had asked a question to the students and stood them up one by one for the answer and no one knew it. Fourty five sets of legs standing and fourty five sets of shameful eyes were staring down... except one. Mr. Sarathy knew very well that Bala would know the answer. He moved his eye to the only boy still sitting in the entire class.
"Answer?", he said.
"11.2 Kilometers per second.", came the reply.

Chapter - III
".... you are breaking up. You see what outside your window?", came the crisp female voice over the PA.
Kalpana continued, "We have a dog. I repeat. We have a dog outside the window......"

Chapter - IV
"Man, this is crazy. My parents would be worried sick, you know that? Its already 8:30 PM." said Kannan.
"Hey, listen, this is very important to me. I need that thing for the project. I have got everything ready except this one. So tonight is the last drill. We are going to steal that and we are going to complete the project. ok? So please stay with me."
Kannan nodded but he smelt trouble. They were near an huge metal scrapyard at the edge of the city after school hours. A fourteen year old could not have smelt more trouble in his life. But he trusted Bala, his best friend since childhood. "What is that we are stealing again?".
"We are going to steal a huge spring. I would have done it myself but it was too heavy. Come lets go in, i think the guy just left.", said Bala and ambled into the shadows.

Chapter - V
"We saw it went past the window and got itself stuck in the system. We accessed the damage. It seems irrepairable.", said Kalpana.
"What! Please hold i'll get Failsafe team immediately.", said the voice. The panic in the voice was unmistakable.

Chapter - VI
Kannan and Bala walked into the night carrying the payload. Bala turned the knob and opened an old cabin which stood quite outside his home with a sign that read "Dexter's lab. Do not enter!". Kannan expected the cabin to be dingy and ran down from its looks outside. But he was in for a surprise. The cabin was nothing like he had expected. It was single room, well lit by a 100 watt Philips bulb. The shelf was covered with many books, too big and advanced for an ordinary 14 year old at least.
"Hey, i will run into the house, tell my parents that im studying here with you and come back immediately. Just give me two minutes.", said Bala to Kannnan. As an after thought he added, "...and dont touch anything".
Kannan was left alone and he felt like he shouldnt be here. Maybe thats why even though Bala was his best friend he had never shown him this place. The room gave him the creeps. It had nothing that looked normal. There was a fireplace with coal and some blacksmith's tools. There was a huge metal pipe as wide as a two feets standing in the middle of the room that seems to have grown out of the roof. Not to mention the books that had no earthly business with a 14 year old kid. At least the books didn't scare Kannan. So he walked near the shelf and skimmed through the titles. Understandable, "Smelting techniques", "Brief history of Time", "The Colt Revolver", "The Fist of God", "Elasticity", "Modern Periodic table" and such titles did not ring any bell. And then he saw it. A shining metal mould half covered with a cloth. His eyes became wide. It was so glittering that at first Kannan thought that it was silver. He moved his hands tentatively to feel it. Right then, Bala came bursting into the room and startled Kannan.
"Hey, what is this? Is this silver or something.", Kannan asked pointing at the mould.
"No, its not silver. Its an alloy. Mostly tungsten.", said Bala as a matter of fact.
"I know, the metal in the light-bulb filament. So thats why you have been asking our friends to get you that strip of thing everytime some light fused out. To make this?", enquired Kannan, showing that he also knows his physics.
Bala gave a bingo-thats-why-you-are-my-friend-smile and replied, "Yeah, exactly. And you know what Tungsten's melting point is 3410 degree Celcius?"
"No i did not know that."
A dog barked outside the cabin which made both Bala and Kannan to turn towards the door.
"Oh shoot! That must be Bluto, our neighbour's dog. They unleash it everynight and it barks the nerves out of everyone in the neighbourhood. You would never believe how much sound comes out of something that small. Or for that matter how much shit! I hate that dog."
"If it is a small dog then why are you worried. Go out and give the dog a piece of your mind.", suggested Kannan.
Bala stood up like some kind of lightning stuck him. Then he said something really weird...
"You know, that dog is so small that it would fit into that tungsten-capsule just fine."
"What?", Kannan quizzed.
"Bluto is going to Pluto at an escape velocity of 11.21 Kilometers per second."

Chapter - VII
"Go ahead Columbia. This is Mission Control." came in a male voice through the speakers.
"Houston, we have a problem...", continued Kalpana.

Author's Note: If you are one of those people who come to my site, read everything and leave without clicking on [Comments], there is an embedded virus in this that sends all your temporary internet files and images to all the girls in your address book, your HR manager and your parents. You have been warned.
Me dedicate this to my good friend Sudhakar. I know, at least one comment assured.


11 owls
Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 10:42

I take full responsibility

No No not for the bombing in Palestine or the Brad & Jenny breakup... but i take full responsibility for the screw up in blogger.com's comments section a couple of days ago. Let me tell u what happened exactly, First i tried to change my profile, just a tiny bit and i wasn't even lying about it this time(!!) and Blogger did not like it. Y'day i saw this nice/cool template i liked very much, and i swear i was just trying it on for size... and what do you know? i hit the [Save] button and this time Blogger.com's comment server blew up(!!). GOD, Why does it always happen to me, huh? So i reverted back to the old template and the world was once again saved, thanks to me, and worst part is I go down yet again as an unsung hero! (i hope someone from the `Men In Black` recruiting team is reading this!)

But.... i am not an computer science engineer for nothing. Im going to go ahead with the template change and then shoot a mail to the support team (well come on... what else you expect me to do?). Frankly, I dont care, whether i blow up the whole Blogger.com web-site, u see, i have my blog backed up :) along with all my collection(you know what). So here it is my new template... i name it `Agent Smith` (kiddo Kathak, :) this one i dedicate to you :P)

First i thought i would pose as the Agent myself... but decided against it as 1) i did not have the suit 2) the world as a whole is not yet ready to see me like that 3) if changing my template caused a failure then i was afraid this might cause the first ever internet black-out & we'll all go back to the stone age & communicate using smoke-signals and 4) a couple of others reasons as well, but you get the picture right?

And one more thing, i have an issue with not-being-liked. Im like Bharathi in this case (for the non-tamil readers, he *is* like one of the greatest Tamil poets... ever). He said... (im sorry Bharathi, but i have to translate you now)

If a single man is without food
we would destroy the world to get him that

I say,
If a single soul did not like this template
i would change it immediately!

Really... i cannot take the thought that someone did not like me for what i am... and im willing to change! (Its my obsession and it runs in the family. e.g., Pink and Incurably Yours.) But let me explain who falls into the *single soul* category.. *she must be a hot girl*. So a picture ID/portrait along with the mail for your rfc (request for change) is appreciated! And dont think you can fool me with a female model's jpeg you downloaded from indiatimes.com or some such site... i have seen them all :D (who do u think clicks on `rate this picture` link?)

Note: This is in response to the post by Anupama. And she writes wonderful! No im not kidding (Note: i dont kid in the `Note` section). And she has a sister too, at Vani. And she writes good too! I started reading them and i suddenly felt very home-sick :( :((... so i recommend you to click on the links only if you are within a 24km radius of your home...:) why 24? im just kidding :P


53 owls
Wednesday, March 09, 2005 - 05:49


Note: This is my first attempt at pure fiction. So please excuse me for being naive..i was pressed for time!

Scene 1: Busstand, Busy Monday morning...8:30 AM

A 20-something-college-going-guy-with-a-knapsack -baggy jeans and crumpled shirt- on his cell phone. Talks briefly into the device - disconnects - looks up to the bus standing near him.

He looks inside the bus...not very crowded bus...a good-looking girl sitting near the window seat and reading something. She straightens up.. looks outside the window... and sees our guy put his cell phone into his pocket and walk away. Right then another pretty looking girl steps onto the bus.. smiles at girl#1 and sits next to her.

they start talking.... we move in after 45 seconds...

girl#1: i could never understand your obsession....
girl#2: why shweta? wouldnt it help to know how any steps i have to take from my home to the bus stand?
Shw: that i understand...what i dont understand is..why would anyone want to know how many windows are in this bus...how many in the right side? or how many in the left? u r crazy, Lavanya, i tell u.
Lav: me not crazy... its just a time pass... keeps me busy and thinking
Shw: yeah.. thats right. did u count how many people were using cell phones on ur way over here today?
Lav: no, as a matter of fact, i did not.
Shw: sure..whatever..
Lav: if u r not bored yet with my obsessions..can i tell u one more? please ya.. im dying to tell u
Shw: [smiles] ok sure..u r allowed one petty wish per day
Lav: ok, im the only person in this bus who is wearing blue!!
Shw: [gives an other whatever-smile] what does that make u? special?
Lav: yeah sure it does!!
Shw: [shakes her head and looks at the door] ....... im sorry kiddo..but ur special something was just ruined! look at that guy u just walked into the bus. he is wearing blue!
Lav: [looks up at the guy] *their eyes meet, a tiny smile from the guy as if he knows whats going on* damn it!
Shw: i like that guy for that .....

8:37 Bus starts and pulls out of the stand.

Scene 2: Tuesday 8:30 AM

Shweta looks outside the bus window from her window seat. Her next seat is empty. The same guy-with-knapsack walks past putting his cell phone away into his jeans pocket. She also sees Lavanya walk inside the bus...

Lav: hey Shweta! morning!!
Shw: Morning Lavs! So u are wearing white today huh? lets see....
[both scans the bus for any white dress]
Lav: yayyyy!! no one!!!
Shw: looks like u r *today's special* after all!
Lav: i know
3 minutes 41 seconds later...
Shw: hahaha.. here comes my saviour! in *white* [point to the same guy who was in blue the day before walk inside the bus]
Lav: *eyes meet, tiny smile* damn that guy!

8:37 Bus starts and leaves the stand.

Scene 3: Wednesday 8:30 AM

As usual, Shweta is waiting for Lavanya with a saved seat. As she walks inside, she sees the same guy-with-knapsack walk away.

Lav: morning!
Shw: i think u have suceeded into getting me involved in ur little obsession...
Lav: why? what happened?
Shw: nothing huge like urs... i just see this guy everyday in the bus stand!
Lav: that is not anything.. people wait in bus stand everyday at the same time
Shw: i know.. but he talks into the cell phone also everyday..
Lav: So?
Shw: the catch is, he doesnt get onto any bus... he just leaves.
Lav: ok... now we are talking... welcome to the club mate!
Shw: whatever.. this *is* kind of weird..
Lav: ok..coming to my world..lets see who else is wearing my color today..yellow.
[both scans the bus for any yellow dress]
Lav: no one... thats great!
Shw: dont celebrate too soon.. our *guy* is yet to come [looks outside the window] ...and here he comes..and then there were two people in *yellow*
Lav: *eyes, smile* this is unbelievable.. im beginning to like this guy!
Shw: [laughs out] me too..
Lav: hmmmm... i think i need to throw a curve ball here
Shw: what do u mean?
Lav: this guy manages everything... but i doubt he has a shirt in Pink color! No self-respecting guy would wear pink!!
Shw: so?
Lav: Im wearing pink tomorrow!

8:37 Bus starts and leaves the stand.

Scene 4: Next day 8:30 AM

Lavanya walks inside the bus, in her pretty pink dress!

Shw: look! that is the guy.. the one who is putting his cellphone inside the pocket, he is the one who waits and walks away from a bus-stand everyday.
Lav: oh i see..
Shw: so u wore pink..huh?
Lav: so lets see how *ur guy* manages this one!
Shw: lets see...
[2 minutes pass by in silence...both keep a vigil for *our guy*... peeping out the window every 2 seconds... tension mounting]
Shw: i think i see him... yes it is him...
Lav: where is he? what color is he wearing?
Shw: shoot...its *red*.. look there
[our guy walks into the busstand casually wearing a red colored T-shirt]
Lav: yeah it is *red*... haha.. i won this round! didnt i?
Shw: I'll be damned!! Look at the message on his T-shirt!!

The T-shirt reads: "Red is the new pink!"

[both girls are wide-eyed now in disbelief]
Before they could recover, our guy walks inside the bus ... *smiles at Lavanya*... sits 2 rows in front of the girls.

8:37 Bus starts and pulls out of the stand. Our guy takes out his cellphone.. touches few keys to get to the last received calls.. and presses `Call`...

guy#1: thanks dude! she sure was surprised to see the message
guy#2: no problemo buddy.. just remember, we double date..u get Lavanya, i get Shweta! over and out!

Author's note: I swear this is fiction. Please don't spam/pester me! And if u didnt like it, dont bother clicking on [Comments] either :P


12 owls

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